Humorous and funny Woman poems and/or funny poems about Woman. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Woman funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Woman Poems.
Poem Details | by
Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories:
funny love, woman,
Out there
With her flair for chasing inspiration
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations
Tripping
She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide
And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is
Out there exists
Date: 11.19.2019
Contest Name: Disarray
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
beach, fantasy, humorous, woman,
I encountered her on a dark stormy night
Her huge trout like lips were a scary sight
Strands of white spittle formed on angry lips
huge folds of fat spilled over her wobbly hips
With scaly grey skin and blood red eyes
and legs so fat they chafed her thighs
Hair tangled and matted like limp seaweed
She reeked like a fish of an ancient breed
Reaching out for me with her claw like nails
Slime dripped from her hands like rancid snails
I tossed her a coin and hurried on my way
She’s not been seen since that stormy day
03-28~17
Poem Details | by
Barbara Barry-Nishanian |
Categories:
funny, woman,
Point of View
Hag in the mirror
Squinting at me
Waiting and watching
A young face to see.
She doesn’t know
Face that stares back
Never thought she’d see
That old hag in black.
But here they are
Alone the two
Seeing each one
From own point of view.
10/2017
Poem Details | by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson |
Categories:
body, dance, fun, humorous, silly, song, woman,
Oh, my name is Witch's Titties
I'm the leader of the band
Tho' only two in numbers
they sag down where life is grand
They swing like gaucho's bolos
to excite your fancy balls
Can toss 'em o'er my shoulders
to go dancing up the walls
Poem Details | by
Cynthia Jones |
Categories:
humor, imagery, inspiration, poetry, september, writing,
Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall
after running into a brick wall
she was hit over the head
with a big loaf of bread
while trying to play basketball.
Copyright Cynthia Jones
Sept.23/2004
Poem Details | by
Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
art, friend, funny, giggle, humorous, poets, woman,
Be patient
be very very patient
after that
add more patience
then wait
and wait
and wait and wait and wait
become a waiter
at least you will be paid to wait
When she finally finally arrives
give her the biggest smile you possibly possess
tell her, "Hello love, you are early and
looking very majestically beautiful my sweet!
what have you done to your hair love?"
since you have waited a century or two or three
it's a safe gamble she has, and you my friend
will be a big winner.
Therefore when you wait and wait and wait
be a winner
even skeletons
smile
Poem Details | by
Rico Leffanta |
Categories:
funny, giggle, humor, lust, passion, sexy, woman,
Jan's spouse said she's gilding the lilies
For treating herself to new frillies
All the neighbours got hot
When they saw what she bought
And that really gave Jan the willies!
Poem Details | by
Randy Johnson |
Categories:
angst, funny, on work and working, me, me,
(This is a fictional poem)
A 94 year old woman kicked my ###.
She beat the crap out of me and left me bleeding on the grass.
Every time I got up, she knocked me down again.
She beat me really hard and I sure as hell didn't win.
The fight started when she asked me to put out my cigar.
I told her that I'd shove it up her vagina and I guess I went too far.
When she got through beating me, I had lost most of my teeth.
Now people laugh at me and all I feel is grief.
Poem Details | by
Stanley Ohlswager |
Categories:
humor, woman,
SHADY LADY
There once was a lady who loved to face the sun
Following it as it crossed the sky,
Particularly between the hours of eleven to one.
But no one could figure out why.
Some said to develop a sunny disposition
To overcome a previous condition
For it was rumored that this lady
Had a background that was shady.
Poem Details | by
Mike Gentile |
Categories:
fun, humor, humorous, men, sexy, woman,
Her last name was Agra, I saw on the bar
My nerves told me, I wouldn’t get very far
But then I did spy
Her first name was Vi
I worried no more as we walked to my car
A name like Vi Agra can make a guy think
Or run like Niagara gone over the brink
But one thing’s for sure
She won’t be a bore
Le’s hope it’s not over before I can blink!
Poem Details | by
Maureen Mcgreavy |
Categories:
appreciation, humor, life, woman,
hello hot flashes goodbye mad dashes
December 20th, 2018
Poem Details | by
Patricia Cresswell |
Categories:
humorous,
Widder Woman
hate boxes and neat little slots
pigeon holes burn my behind
all those safe-making creations
that pacify the peeps.
stuff an unknown quantity
into a bag of mundane
catch me first.
if I must be widow then a merry one
will I be and
as soon as my sciatica clears up
I streak the whole damn street.
Poem Details | by
Linda Alice Fowler |
Categories:
fruit, funny, humorous, kiss, lust, sleep, woman,
Snow White took an unladylike bite
of a big red apple polished bright
she snoozed quite a while
he kissed her with guile
and they shared an afternoon delight
Poem Details | by
Nwando Obianyor |
Categories:
adventure, children, funny, woman, old, old,
Old Roger is dead and gone to his grave,
Hum,ha! gone to his grave.
They planted an apple tree over his head,
Hum,ha ! over his head.
The apples grew ripe and ready to drop,
Hum,ha ! ready to drop.
There came a high wind and blew them all off,
Hum,ha ! blew them all off.
There came an old woman to pick them all up,
Hum,ha ! pick them all up.
Old Roger got up and gave her a knock,
Hum,ha ! gave her a knock.
Which made the old woman go hipperty hop,
Hum,ha ! hipperty hop.
Poem Details | by
Zamreen Zarook |
Categories:
age, angel, beautiful, beauty, body, boyfriend, celebration, celebrity, change, character, creation, desire, emotions, children, friendship, girl, girlfriend, hero, humorous, i love you, image, life, memorial day, memory, middle school, relationship, romantic, school, society, student, teen, teenage, truth, wisdom, woman, women, words, world, youth,
Fake Words – Zamreen Zarook
God have given us mouth,
Not to speak to north and south,
Tongue is given under an oath,
So it’s our duty to protect them both.
Girls chat fake with boys,
Having a notion that the boys are toys,
They often make varied noise,
Thinking to keep a trap on handsome guys.
Boys are also human being,
So it’s not possible being clean,
Things varies in the way they are seen,
So positive thinking will make you keen.
Boys’ minds are pure,
As it is pure bio,
So don’t try to pour vino,
Which will take decades to get cure.
Poem Details | by
Dan Keir |
Categories:
adventure, angel, beautiful, business, childhood, death, education, fantasy, farewell, freedom, friendship, funeral, funny, growing up, happiness, happy, health, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, nostalgia, on writing and words, parody, passion, patriotic, peace, people, philosophy, slam, social, song, sorrow, sorry, spiritual, time, woman,
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.
Poem Details | by
Katherine Stella |
Categories:
adventure, dedication, fantasy, funny, happiness, imagination, inspirational, parody, people, philosophy, thank you, uplifting, visionary
I am strong as that of a mighty eagle
Won't back down to predators
I am strong that of atlas
Can carry the world on my shoulders
I am strong that of a loco motive
Reaching final destinations
I am strong that of God
Only within His calling
For the hand who touches
Is the man saved
I have the willpower
To see it through
I have structure
To make it happen
I have knowledge
To share unto others
For I am woman
Hear me Roar
Entry For Rambling Poet's
I Am Strong Contest
Poem Details | by
Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories:
body, humorous, people, relationship, sexy, woman, women,
The thorougher the skin peel,
the stronger the sex apeal.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Poem Details | by
Sima Mittal |
Categories:
children, kids, funny, woman,
The Chocolate!
She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!
Poem Details | by
Rico Leffanta |
Categories:
america, confusion, funny, history, language, spoken word, woman,
An ancestor known as, "Miss Lottie"
Was a New York socialite "hottie"
To her lasting disgrace
She slapped Paul Revere's face
When he invited her to the p-ah-ty
Poem Details | by
Robert Candler |
Categories:
angel, beauty, blue, body, cute love, desire, feelings, giggle, girl, hello, hope, humorous, lust, relationship, romance, sexy, song, sweet, together, uplifting, woman,
Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.
You're just so damn sexy,
That's why I'm hittin' on you.
You don't have to love me,
Some good sex will do.
Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.
Yes, you turned me on
When I saw you walk in...
The face of an Angel,
A body just made for Sin.
Now, I may be real horny,
But one thing is true:
What would satisfy me, Girl
Would be to satisfy You.
So please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You;
And I hope that you're fallin'
In Lust with me too;
But if not, then please fake it,
Please don't leave me "blue"...
Please help me, I've fallen
In Lust with You.
Poem Details | by
Flora Mae Gudez |
Categories:
creation, high school, hilarious, humorous, my children, sexy, woman,
I have a very brief confession
that I have to make.
It's about the selfies
and it'll make you break.
I only wear glamorous tops
during my homemade shots,
Since bottoms aren't seen
And only the face is on screen.
I give all my efforts
In putting some makeups
Just to look pretty on my selfie
And wrote on it -- hashtag no makeup.
I put on my lipsticks
And do the sexy duck face,
Then captioned the output with bible quotes
Though it doesn't relate.
Mom wondered
Why I locked myself in my room.
Oh please, I was just doing a selfie
and surprisingly came out well groomed.
Poem Details | by
Beatrice Boyle |
Categories:
funny,
Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!
My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
Bedside mules?
This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!
Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)
For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest
Poem Details | by
A.O. Taner |
Categories:
beautiful, cute love, dedication, desire, destiny, devotion, emotions, encouraging, funny love, girlfriend, grief, heart, heartbreak, heartbroken, how i feel, i love you, i miss you, innocence, kiss, love, love hurts, math, meaningful, miss you, missing, missing you, nice, passion, recovery from, romance, romantic, sad love, senses, sensual, symbolism, together, true love, voyage, wisdom, woman, word play,
Love is a four letter word
she whispered into his ear,
So is four, as is word
he whispered back into her fear,
Such is "you and I"
cried his heart - she could hear,
Their cheeks hugged, eyes kissed
each shedding a single tear.
Poem Details | by
T Wignesan |
Categories:
humor,
Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013