Humorous and funny Wife poems and/or funny poems about Wife. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Wife funny poems!
Written by
Shane Cooper
Categories:
funny, husband, wife,
A Cooked Goose
When you come home late at night
Open the door and turn on the light
You had better be extremely quite
Or your goodly wife you may excite
And I'm sure she will not be polite
When she orders you out of her sight
There is no use trying to be contrite
The dog will have company overnight
Your goose is well and truly cooked alright
Written by
Kash Poet
Categories:
funny,
Np My Snoring Wife
noise pollution
breaking night's silence...
sleepless hours
a roaring engine...
beside me
my snoring wife
a ticking clock
competing with...
the snoring sound
who will win?
let me see...
sleepless judge
Written by
John Coopey
Categories:
funny, love, wife
Anniversary Card
I splashed out on this greetings card,
It cost me 50p,
I thought that you were worth it,
For putting up with me.
But yours, I know, will cost far more,
(Perhaps a quid or two),
But that’s because I’m worth far more,
For putting up with you.
Written by
Dale Gregory Cozart
Categories:
humor, love,
The Pickler's Wife
The young pickler's wife was quite fickle,
one day warm then a cold icicle.
But now she's amorous,
dressed up quite glamorous.
She's tickled the young pickler's pickle!
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, husband, relationship, wife, word play,
A Greek Tragedy
I knew an old woman from Greece
Whose whinging words would seldom cease
She’d constantly whine
When drunk on red wine
Her husband’s in dire need of peace!
How much cash does a Grecian earn -
such questions I tried hard to spurn
Her husband went mad
and did something bad -
she’s interred in a Grecian urn!
8/20/19
Written by
Reason A. Poteet
Categories:
11th grade, funny, humor, metaphor, wife,
Beyond Salvage
An old herbal gard’ner turned bard
dedicated and well-versed
now works his pen from his backyard
in plants and poems immersed.
His choice nouns engender meaning
cleverly minted with scents.
Rare verbs gingerly gleaning
from time’s savory essence.
Somewhat focused on composing
but nettled by a drizzle;
unexpected down-hosing
causes this poet to fizzle.
Lo! His inspiration now gone
like the ink upon his page.
Mrs. Bard calls from the lawn
“I just watered the sage.”
January 5, 2012
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
food, funny, humor, humorous, husband, wife
The Affair
“I think I’ll go out,” the husband said.
The wife let it slide for about a half hour.
Then she asked, “Where are you going?”
There was no reply, so she walked into the living room.
Immediately knowing.
He had sneaked out, being careful to make no noise with the latch.
She knew what that meant.
She had him on a strict diet, and a locater application.
She got on her phone and looked at it.
Immediately knowing.
As she suspected he was at the Donut Deli down the road
No doubt eating the things he was never supposed to eat.
He had had so many affairs with sweet, fried things.
She got on her coat, determined to stop him.
Immediately knowing.
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
funny, wife,
My Wife Is An Alien
(This is a fictional poem)
My wife is an alien and this morning she laid an egg.
She may be green but she has a great pair of legs.
She has two large antennas that are on her head.
She's smarter than Einstein but she's lousy in bed.
The egg will hatch next month and when it does, we'll have a little tyke.
It will be half human and half alien, I'm scared of what it will look like.
My wife is ugly and people usually scream after they've seen her.
We just got in a big fight over finances and she bit off my wiener.
We were deeply in love but now she's my foe.
If an alien proposes to you, you'd better say no.
Written by
Damian Keady
Categories:
fun, funny, girlfriend, wife,
Do You
Do you take this strife
No not without a wife
Do you take this wife
No not if she gives me strife
Do you take this life
Only with my own wife
To give to me all the strife
To maybe live a better life
But first of all I need a wife
DAMO x
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
humorous, inspirational, introspection, love, meaningful, wife
My Wife
I would take cute
over profound, any-day;
good feeling-full over
meaningful – God over
science, and my wife
when it comes to dinner;
I will take thick over thinner,
when it comes to gravy and
mashed potatoes; God over
politics, when it comes to
getting along...my wife's
opinion when it comes to
right and wrong;
Beauty wins hands-down,
when it comes to images
and lyrical-sounds; God
on all my paths and grounds
as opposed to stone saints
and preaching clowns – my
wife's love, over a world of
wealth; without love, nothing
of true value, nor health –
Written by
John Fenn
Categories:
daughter, funny, wife
Cockney
A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta
Written by
Darlene Gifford
Categories:
humor, marriage,
Nagging Wife Pun
He turned on the coffee grinder.
His nagging wife,
no one could find her.
Written by
Mike Martin
Categories:
christmas, humor, mythology, wife,
Mrs Claus
Christmas without Mrs. Claus
That could never be
Who would feed dear Santa
And trim the Christmas tree
Who would tie the ribbons
And fasten all the bows
Who would help the elves
Hang their stockings all in rows
Who would do the mending
And sew the giant sacs
Who'd care for all the reindeer
And polish up their racks
Who would keep dear Santa jolly
Keep him fat and warm
So he can ride the coldest skies
And weather any storm
All hail the unsung hero
Hooray for Mrs. Claus
The saving grace of Christmas
Best gal that ever was
Written by
Alex Klugman
Categories:
funny,
My Lovely Wife Is Attractive and Fit
My lovely wife is attractive and fit,
She keeping the rule: "Never eat after six".
Six burgers, that all, what she usually eat,
And after the six-seventh hard to affix!
Written by
Martin Kloess
Categories:
car, humor, husband, love, wife,
The Awwwsome Driving Lesson
The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear
Written by
Vernette Hutcherson
Categories:
funny, life, wife,
Relax (Cinquain)
Sunday
don't have to work
watch football, snack, take naps
Listen to wife gripe I'm lazy
Fun day
Written by
Barbara Gorelick
Categories:
humorous,
A Good Wife Is Hard To Find
When worked up and yelling a sight to behold
She was an expert on the art of the scold
But she was good in bed
And kept him well fed
And he was quite deaf if the truth be told
Written by
Thomas Martin
Categories:
football, funny, humor, husband, men, wife
Football and Spouse
football
is all
crowd roars
kick soars
a pass
at last
man cave
men crave
cold ones
at once
demand
she panned
but serve
the beer
and chips
for dips
hubby
must pee
walks out
on lout
and shops
till drops
lonely
lady
returns
and learns
the lout
passed out
flat beer
oh dear
the game
now tame
half time
her time
clap hands
to bands
the game
what game!
Written by
William Masonis
Categories:
funny, history, imagination,
My Wife Came Up With This
Piggable - Jiggable
Ivan the Terrible
Strangely proposed to
Elizabeth One.
Russian society,
Antiediluvian,
Made her refuse him
Spoil his fun.
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
fun, humor, husband, loss, marriage, wife
Prepare For the Worst
That's a week the wife has been missing
For years I've so longed this hoping
Prepare for the worst the Police said
Panic thoughts in my head
The Charity shop was not my so wishing
Written by
Rhoda Tripp
Categories:
humor, humorous, winter, word play,
Upside Down World - Frigid Wife
There once was a snowman named Jerrit.
His wish was to embed his carrot.
So he stood on his head;
He could have stayed in bed.
If his cold wife would grin and bare it.
Written 1/1/2018
Contest: Upside Down World (limerick)
Hosted by: Eve Roper
Written by
Black Eyed Susan
Categories:
funny, people,
Senator's Puppet Wife
hand on back
drilled smile
he milks me
from behind
vote Monty
mochadoodle
moo
9/20/12
Black Eyed Susan
for nette's "septolet the puppet" contest
fabric: drill – double meaning of practice and durable twill cotton (also, cottonmouth refers to a dangerous snake as well as "an uncomfortable condition that feels as if your mouth is coated with cotton. http://www.ehow.com/how_8412538_fix-cottonmouth.html#ixzz278lYPjBG)
flavor: mochadoodle – not kidding! it's a flavor of coffee: milk chocolate, cinnamon, and hazelnut
(Monty is a made up senator - referring to the expression "the fully monty" - meaning everything that is expected or possible)
Written by
Ken Duddle
Categories:
humorous,
John's Wife
John’s wife was a good housewife
But she had one bad habit
When all alone with John
She couldn’t half rabbit.
She was pleasant enough
And she baked a nice bun
But when all alone with John
She was the biggest nagger under the sun.
She was generous and kind
A woman any man would adore
But when all alone with John
He wanted to head for the door.
She had soft and tender skin
She had sparkling blonde hair
But when all alone with John
She would not leave her chair.
After twenty years of marriage
When she was out he changed the locks
Because if all alone once more with John
He would have strangled her with his socks.
Written by
Mohammad Taha Effendi
Categories:
funny, husband, wedding, wife,
The Hen-Pecked Husband
"The Hen-pecked Husband"
By M. Taha Effendi
(Light Poetry)
The door bell rang yet again,
and yonder heard the distinct voice,
of my dear old wife, full of pain,
drowned all my dreams of rejoice.
then came the thundering slap,
that landed on my cheek now red,
and as I panicked out of my nap,
I realized I had wet my bed.
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
humor,
Limerick: Once a Wife Nurse and Husband Doctor
Limerick : Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor
Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor
Loved the meat served from Clinic larder
So they went in to see
Found morgue bodies for free
Since then stopped buying meat from butcher.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013