Humorous and funny Toilet poems and/or funny poems about Toilet. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Toilet funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Toilet Poems.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous, me, poetry,
A poet, that's me I'm called Jan
Was NEVER a poetry fan
Now two books bear my name
Not for fortune or fame
I'll pen poop whenever I can!
If ever I am stuck for words
I resort to write about turds
Brown things that you poo
When you're sat on the loo
Poop poetry's not just for nerds!
Poem Details | by
Xavier Keough |
Categories:
funny, life, loss,
Oh, toilet bowl
Did you hear me in the hall
Talking to that bastard wall
Asking who moved the door
Oh, toilet bowl
Don’t ever have gin and tonic
Cause inebriation is quite ironic
When lost in your own home
Oh, toilet bowl
So accessible and cool
Forgive my 90 proof drool
Irony is about to surface
Oh, toilet bowl
We're no longer alone
I’m talking to Ralph
on your big white phone
He says he’s sorry
Oh, toilet bowl
My porcelain gold
If I may be so bold
Meet my bottom
Oh, toilet bowl!
Poem Details | by
Sarah Jones |
Categories:
angst, funny, imagination, mystery, philosophy,
I had a dream
Where all my clothes
Were in my toilet bowl
Clogging it.
Apparently this means that
I am drenched in emotions
Which need to be released
And expressed,
So I wrote
This poem.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
books, humorous, writing,
Loo humour it is my forte
Risqué rhymes, I’ll write night and day
I’ve finished next book
Will you dare to look
It’s naughty – that’s all I will say!
Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
humor,
A real rebel I am, leave the toilet seat up
Leave dishes in the sink, don't rinse my cup
Bad through and through
But a loveable old shmoo
Slightly unbalanced but only a wee touch
Poem Details | by
James Fraser |
Categories:
fun, funny, humor, humorous,
From the shower to the mirror I stand
With my breasts cupped in my hands
Oh my gosh they're too small
As I stand there and bawl
You men simply just don't understand
He suggests I take some toilet paper
I've to rub them, Oh what a caper
Blimey, how long this will take
It'll take months, just wait
Keep rubbing you'll soon be the shaper
Golly, I'm starting to feel a right tit
My new Bra they ain't going to fit
Well it worked for your ***
Keep going darling lass
There's the proof, no lies, didn't it
.
Poem Details | by
James Horn |
Categories:
humorous,
Toilet Seat
This again I may have to repeat
What if I were a troublesome toilet seat
Instead of up and down one of these days
I actually would have moved it sideways.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran
Poem Details | by
Hailey Northern |
Categories:
funny, humor,
Seven chocolate butterflies
Dancing on shower bubbles
Strawberry markers don't swim on leather
Lasagna.
Poem Details | by
Cheryl Hoffman |
Categories:
humor, sleep,
Just a thin wall dividing my headboard from the john,
every night it played me a continuos running water song,
so got up and closed the valve,
my problem now temporarily solved,
posting a note on the lid, "don't resuscitate until dawn!"
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous,
Sid suffers from bad constipation
This causes his wife aggravation
You should eat some bran
Exclaims his wife Fran
This requires his co-operation
But stubborn Sid won’t copy Fran
Who adores eating healthy wheat bran
And he won’t eat veg
Like their grandson Reg
So Sidney spends hours on the can
11/04/21
Poem Details | by
Jashan Ramchandani |
Categories:
funny,
A peaceful place is not only the Antarctic or sea but the toilet seat.Sitting on it and doing my business is like heaven for me.
But when I see YouTube while doing my work is like having Dorito's with chesse.
When I go inside the toilet it feels like I am entering a whole new world where I can do anything I want and nobody is going to stop me and makes me feel like I am in my own country.
But when I exit it is like leaving my most cherished possessions and makes me feel like crying.
Poem Details | by
Tom Cunningham |
Categories:
humor,
Russians are clumsy, a fact that's well known
Mistook a lone beach for the battle zone
Odessa was out of reach
So hit a loo on the beach
I hope there was no one sat on the throne...
Written on 22 May 2022
The bungling Russian navy fired a $5 million dollar misslle at Odessa claiming to hit a military target, it hit a target of high value alright , a toilet on a deserted beach.
Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
funny,
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh
We're totally out of toilet paper
Someone broke in and pilfered it
Known as the toilet paper caper
It's really not a laughing matter
So wipe that grin off your face
The FBI's Stolen Bum Wipe Unit
Was called in to take the case
Went around from door to door
Searching for a lead or a clue
Except for a couple of possibilities
Wound up wearing out their shoes
As the leads started growing cold
Up pops this suspicious event
A race being staged at the university
Likely no criminal intent
But the first across the finish line
When they rang the final bell
Was awarded two dozen 3-ply rolls
By the makers of Cottonelle
Poem Details | by
Brandlynn Young |
Categories:
funny, health, hope, inspirational, introspection, places, sympathy,
In this bathroom of Dr. Heath's,
The tissues so tough you grit your teeth.
No soft toilet paper anywhere to be found,
By the time you get through, how does Charmin sound?
You wipe with sandpaper til you bleed,
Soft toilet paper your bottom will need.
In this kit, relief you will find
From toilet that is much more kind!
Poem Details | by
Mike Dailey |
Categories:
funny, social
The biggest controversy of the day
Is toilet paper – which way should it lay
Should it roll under and hug the bathroom wall
Or over the top and stand out till it’s small
Personally, I’m a top roll guy
It puts it that much closer to my thigh
And as we age our movements start to slow
I like things close because you never know
Poem Details | by
Ruchiccio I |
Categories:
funny,
Can't tolerate jokes about poo?
Or a pun that revolves round the loo?
Call me gross, immature!
You'll just learn to endure--
With my muck you will have to make doo.
Poem Details | by
Russell Sivey |
Categories:
humor, smile,
I talk on the phone while I’m letting
Leaving a treat in the toilet, I’m setting
It’s not quite fair
Poo’s in the air
The other person doesn’t know, I’m betting
Russell Sivey
Poem Details | by
Don Johnson |
Categories:
adventure,
went to the toilet it tickled my snout,
the best defence is offence ,
i havent a doubt,
so i fired round after brown,
till it was all bloody out,
till me toilet cantered away,
hope it returns at the end of the day,
till then its your bloody shout ,
and johnsons just having his way,
sent by some big assed lout ...ok,
...
Poem Details | by
Morgan Corthell |
Categories:
funny, imagination,
I wish my couch was a toilet.
It would be so squishy soft.
When I went to sit down,everyone would scoff.
I wish my couch was a toilet.
And no one could ever spoil it.
So when...I spin on a whim!
Alas...oh alas.
Just think of the cleaning.
There would be no scrubbing bubbles.
Only lots of troubles.
Just think of the toilet rings.
The would not be fit for 3 kings.
Alas...oh alas.
I still wish my couch was a toilet! ;P
(I was feeling funny today!! ;P)
Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
humor,
When I was a kid I heard this term
My simple young mind was aghast
How could there be a tree for such things
My mind was confused unsurpassed
Pictured this scene of a big old oak tree
With a seat carved into it's bark
The seat had a hole the size of a bum
Where a man for relief would park
The meaning was finally explained to me
Toiletries were sweet smelling lotions
To make us tough guys smell oh so purdy
This concept I sure had no notion
Now when I go out I douse myself
With that powerful smelling cosmetic
Dressed in my spiffy new velvet attire
Enhanced by my charms so magnetic
When I was a kid I heard this term
My simple young mind was aghast
© Jack Ellison 2013
Poem Details | by
Mark Koplin |
Categories:
humor,
A gas leak came again last night.
The dreaded bean a desperate flight.
It takes it’s form of natural gas.
A blowhard’s dream now fleeting fast.
A boastful blast out from the rear.
One last attempt it would appear.
Don’t push too hard just let it simmer.
It must be something you had for dinner.
Open a window to circulate.
The porcelain throne incinerates
The might king now takes his seat.
The time has come with no retreat.
One final blast will soon take hold.
Watch and learn from what’s been told.
The loo does sit on sacred ground.
A resting place has now been found.
Poem Details | by
William Hancock |
Categories:
humor, smile,
THE TOILET
I visited the Toilet - A grand salubrious place
Of gleaming Glistening tiles - a really pristine place
A space to hold a Banquet - A conference of a ball
With tops of stalls and toilet doors - for those who like a fall
I know I rush-ed into it - what purpose, don't recall
For I slipped on Gleaming, Pristine tiles - and went smack into the wall
So, if you have a desperate need-go slowly if you will
William Hancock
03.02.2005
1444Z
Poem Details | by
Larry Belt |
Categories:
funny
Late one night in my humble abode
I had fallen asleep on my comode
I dreamed I was at a dance
Naked without my pants
My wife laughed til I thought she'd explode
Poem Details | by
Jack Ellison |
Categories:
hilarious,
Got a new toilet seat, a nationwide news flash
Can't wait to go, to create a big splash
A thrill unexplained
Boggles the brain
Need exercise to prepare for the twenty-yard dash
Poem Details | by
J.R. Wren-Ingalls |
Categories:
fun, funny, humor, humorous, inspirational,
Up, down, manji gamei
Flack on shoulders, somersault
Quadruple full flip