Humorous and funny Rude poems and/or funny poems about Rude. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Rude funny poems!
Written by
Deb M
Categories:
humorous, rude,
JACKPOT - POTD
They chatted for so long
The day was here to meet
She was so excited
Feeling her hearts every beat
He was Scottish and oh so lovely
She thought he may be the one
She had looked for red flags
But there had been none
Meeting place was at the pier
The wind was blowing a fearsome gale
Her beautiful brushed hair blew wild and free
The gusts were steadfast with no intention to curtail
He stood there handsomely in traditional Scottish dress
She thought her heart had stopped
A mighty gust of wind then blew his kilt up
Thats the moment she knew…..she had hit the jackpot!!
Written by
Blake Holland
Categories:
adventure, allusion, anger, art, color, confusion, cool, crazy, fantasy, fun, funny, music, new year, paradise, rap, riddle, rude, song,
Northern Suburbia
Your love is real
the love you feel.
Your love is great
the love you make.
Your records are on fire
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy,
or be fat and lazy.
So I played some Doors
and saw some whores.
So I said goodbye
and they all must die, fool.
So dig my guts
and eat my brain
and then go insane.
I don't
Care I love it
so forget it, Punk!
Written by
John Michaels
Categories:
funny, humorous, passion, rude,
If You Could Bottle It, It Would Sell - Bawdy Limerick
Mei-Ling was known to kiss and tell
Got worse when she wed Me Hung Well
With the power of thought
Set to give what he ought
And spent all night ringing her bell.
- - - - - - - - -
5 November 2018
Inspired by Jan Allison's limerick, "His gift it needed a lift".
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
humorous, rude,
Dude From Bude
There once was a fellow from Bude
Who loved to play golf in the nude,
Someone quipped "that thing,
Has a hell of swing,
He sure is one well equipped dude."
Entry for
Make Me Laugh Limerick Contest Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.
29/8/2019
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
funny, rude,
Unhappy Tommy Macguigan
Unhappy Tommy Macguigan
He wasn't blessed with a big'un
'Twas rather a shrimp
And usually limp,
Poor little thing, best kept hidden.
Written by
Charmaine Chircop
Categories:
funny,
A Funny One Liner In a Rude Idiom
Caught between two stools poor grandma's toilet paper
Not for the Contest(Idiom with a double meaning: )
Inspired by SilentOne's One liner contest
Written by
Lycia Harding
Categories:
career, computer, education, growth, humorous, rude, slam,
Learn Something
Do you feel like each day is the same?
Do all things, every person, each glitch
you encounter seem boring and lame?
Is the rut you're in more like a ditch?
When you want to rekindle the flame,
let the internet help you enrich
your existence and soon you'll reclaim
that old joy you felt filling your niche.
If you yearn to get back in the game
learn to use the new tools that exist.
If you don't, you'll be solely to blame.
So, log on now and Google it, b&tch!
Written by
Shaina Rodriguez
Categories:
character, funny, humor, humorous, innocence, rude, silly,
I'M Not Mean
I am a very nice person
I'll tell you about my day
I'll sit and listen about yours
And hear what you have to say
I'll make sure you look very good
I'll tell you about your fly
Tell you when your crush is coming
Or tell you if he walks by
I come off very sarcastic
I do it to make you laugh
My sarcasm sounds kind of mean
It's funny on my behalf
Written by
Warner Baxter
Categories:
funny, hilarious, humorous, jobs, rude, society, star,
Hedgehog - Adult
I ONCE MET A MAN IN ****
WHO’S TOOL WAS BIGGER THAN CORN
NO TWITTER NOR BLOG
THEY CALLED HIM HEDGEHOG
HE HUFFED PUFFED AND BLEW HIS OWN HORN
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
holiday, humor, rude,
A Blessing For 2014
Will those who want rapture connect
To the one who could resurrect?
Be blessed with vision
Take in what's arisen
A member that’s hard and erect
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
blue, crazy, fun, humor, rude, thank you, uplifting,
What Fascinates Me
Please say thank you~don't be rude
Ever sit and watch people feud
Over the hills and valleys to
People say crazy things that make me come unglued
Laughing until I am blue
Even some I think belong in the zoo
Date Written: 5/18/2022
~Note~ Acrostic Rhyme
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
body, food, giggle, innocence, pollution, rude, senses,
My Missing Quilt
Oh my, I'm suffering from wind
I just wish my body would rescind
For my quilt I do probe
It's on top of my wardrobe
Out of reach and totally pinned
.
Inspired by Jan Allison's Poem 'The Real Gods of Wind'
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
animal, funny, hilarious, natural disasters, rude, silly, water,
The Never Song
Never stand behind a hippo!
Never stand behind a hippo!
Never stand behind a hippo!
Projectile diarrhea!
Written by
George Aul
Categories:
humorous,
How Rude
I rode on my bicycle today,
I made a wrong turn - up a one-way,
while cars were coming down
I tried to turn around...
"Move it jacka**!" was all they could say!
Written by
John Michaels
Categories:
funny, giggle, hilarious, humor, humorous, rude, sexy,
Limerick Contest - Bawdy
Earl and His Old Flame
Earl had an incredible dong
After use he'd break into song
Despite what was said
He'd jump off the bed
And prance round the room in a thong
Earl once wooed a girl with odd minge
Was cut to resemble her fringe
Hot wax in the buff
til flame licked her ****
Then choked on the stench of the singe
- - - - - - - - - -
8-8-5-5-8 and 8-8-5-5-8 (howmanysyllables.com)
28-04-17
Entered into "Limerick Contest - Back by Popular Demand" contest, sponsored by Jan Allison.
Written by
Gary Smith
Categories:
funny, humorous,
Lewd and Rude
She had been a stripper
Her life was lewd and rude.
In respect to her profession,
She was buried in the nude.
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
funny,
Quietly I'Ll Be Rude
Never given divorce much thought
Murder weapon haven't bought
Just a case of dog food
Upon demands of tasty hash
It will be ready in a flash
Onions seared big dude
Not the crying or weepy kind
Getting even is on my mind
Quietly I'll be rude*
Sponsor: Black-Eyed Susan
Contest: The Blues In Tail Rhyme
Written: March 9, 2014
*Note: I would never do this.
I saw it in a movie once where
a woman was being beaten
and abused by her husband..
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
conflict, corruption, evil, feelings, hate, humor, rude,
Shy
I'm not shy
I just think
Most people
Simply stink.
Written by
David Willey
Categories:
humorous, rude, sexy, silly,
Tennis Anyone
Starting with the toss up
I’ve made an unforced error
I’ve only gone and followed through
Squeezed the jissom out the old fella
New balls (and pants) please – love all
I think your ace
With a backhand that’s made for passing
On top of a lovely forehand
With a lovely high toss that’s absolutely smashing
Sure you moan and groan
But I love the racquet you make
Lets have another rally
Are you sure you’re not courting
I’ve a changing room free
If you fancy finishing me off
With a serve and volley after
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
funny, lust, relationship, rude, sensual, sexy, wife,
Tit 4 Tat
The Captain's new wife was "true blue"
Whilst he stayed The Wives Club main screw
But rather than pout
When the Captain was out
She serviced his troops two by two
Written by
Nick Trim
Categories:
funny, humorous, people, rude, summer,
Sweaty Rude Bits
In this humid summer air
I don't wear my underwear
my bollocks get all sweaty,
for that I do not care.
It's not amusing they sweat profusely
along with the crack and sweaty pubes
whilst women have their sweaty boobies
seems we all have sweaty rude bits.
So if you girls want to air out your ****
us men will too our balls and dick,
an idea from which we all benefit....
go on, get out your luverly nips.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
christmas, humorous, rude,
Here Comes Santa Claus -Bawdy Limerick Warning
Here comes Santa Claus – BAWDY LIMERICK WARNING
Poor Santa Claus comes once a year
Each Christmas night hear his wife cheer
She won’t lie on her back
As he unloads his sack ...
They’re swinging from the chandelier!
8,8,6,6,8
Checked with rhymezone
I Need a Good Laugh: XMAS LIMERICK CONTEST Poetry Contest
sponsored by Andrea Dietrich
12/14/21
Written by
John Michaels
Categories:
funny, humor, rude,
Family Jewels
Mark's bro' owned a pair of sports cars
Believed fine to ping the girls' bras
Unwise lad broke the rules
Swift kick to the jewels
Now can't see much but shooting stars
- - - - - - - - - -
15 November 2018
Written by
Simon Hamill
Categories:
fun, funny, games, happy, humor, imagination, rude,
That's a Big One
The look on her face,
Was a total surprise.
The first time she saw it,
She couldn't believe it's size.
So I lifted it up,
Laid it out on the bed.
Hold it really tight,
And pull it I said.
Keep it really tight,
Don't loosen your grip.
If I don't get it in soon
It might start to slip.
At last it's all pulled out,
All the creases are gone,
Now that it's nearly ready
It looks very long.
The holes are all sorted,
Not a wrinkle in sight.
When I'm knocking one in,
It will slide in all right.
Now it's all finished,
Our game we can play,
The new cloths on my table,
For snooker today.
4/4/2021
Written by
Jack Horne
Categories:
giggle,
A Rude Awakening
A woman crouched upon the floor,
retrieving something, near the door.
I walked into the busy shop,
while talking to my mum,
I hadn't seen the woman there -
and kicked her up the bum!
written 6th January for Natasha's Funny Memories contest