Humorous and funny Retirement poems and/or funny poems about Retirement. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Retirement funny poems!
Written by
Mike Gentile
Categories:
humorous, retirement,
Procrastination
I’m thinking about thinking about retiring
Not sure when that will be
I know I need to make a change
I’ll do it soon, you’ll see
I’m thinking about thinking about moving
To a warm place by the sea
Guess I’ll do that another day
It’s dinnertime for me
I’m thinking about thinking about everything
That I have to do
I suppose that I could start right now
But…I’m off to the zoo
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
humor, retirement,
all good and some bad things come to an end
Retirement offers things new
I'm shouting a hip-hip yahoo
If what you’re feeling
Comes from a glass ceiling
Stop squealing and just say I'm through!
Retirement offers a lift
With no bad-*** boss who gets miffed
Since freedom will ring
The songs that I’ll sing
Sound more like those by Taylor Swift
Written by
Dan Keir
Categories:
adventure, angst, confusion, dark, dedication, depression, devotion, education, faith, farewell, funny, humorous, imagination, introspection, lonely, loss, lost, memory, pain, parody, passion, people, places, retirement, sad, science fiction, sorrow, sorry, space, star, teacher, time, travel, tribute, visionary,
Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode
Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.
Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.
Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.
Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.
My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.
Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.
Written by
Drjim Martin
Categories:
funny, life, retirement, may,
Retirement Plan
Retirement Plan
Dr. James E. Martin
©February, 2013
Now that I’ve reached a ripe old age,
I sit on the porch and sip sweet tea.
Some may question the wisdom in this,
My response is simply, “It works for me!”
Jealousy is undoubtedly fostered in some,
For that matter anger may surely arise.
I simply continue in my well designed plan
And know that many my life they despise.
Written by
James Study
Categories:
celebration, funny, work,
Retirement Poem
This is the day you hang it all up
We drink to you from a paper cup
From the boss not a tear
Let the door hit your rear
For his office you did corrupt
Hunting and fishing ahead for you
Play cards drink beer if you want to
Excuse if I enquire
What's new when you retire
How will we know the day you do
The future I see one change real soon
The company I see a major boon
Toilet paper and stock
Towels and soap not lock
Big jump in supplies for the wash room
I don't want to seem a bit lofty
For real I'm just a big softy
Something you should know
We will all miss you so
Cause you made the best pot of coffee
Written by
John Posey
Categories:
business, fantasy, funny, imagination, retirement,
Haiku Shoppe
Great idea here
Let’s open a Haiku Shoppe
They go great with beer
Easy to find I’m told
They hide under nibs of pens
Don’t let them get old
To make a great stew
Take a limerick or two
Mix well with Haiku
If all has gone well
And your mix has turned out right
You’re ready to sell
One more thing to do
We must put them on a bun -
Sit and have a few
Written by John Posey
12/22/12
Written by
Dan Keir
Categories:
adventure, angst, autumn, business, confusion, dark, dedication, depression, fear, grief, growing up, happiness, happy, hate, health, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, introspection, journey, life, lonely, loss, lost, love, on work and working, pain, parody, people, relationship, retirement, sad, satire, school, social, stress, success, sympathy, time, work,
Reflections: Midlife Crisis
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
!!
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
funny, humorous, life, old, retirement,
A Package From Amazon
getting old
sitting on my rocker
waiting for mail
a package
from Amazon
with my first fast elder walker with seat
they say that this fast elder walker with seat
could last
up to ten years to the day
I do pray
that this walker
is not my last
and that it and I
don’t go too fast
Written by
Julian Bohan
Categories:
angel, angst, art, bible, boyfriend, eve, god, humor, language, nature, nice, retirement, science, senses, silly, snow,
From the National Poet of Slovenia In a Language People Understand - E Pluribum Anus
RIPAE BENI DEAU VER
In modus fasciculumque Brady pus.
Rogationes, confractum egemus.
Minara excommunica
Ripa nostra, sus amica,
Sic superbum precum, pape beatus.
Story:
http://www.sloveniatimes.com/president-to-attend-pope-francis-s-installation-mass#komentarji
The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand moves in mysterious ways. Just ignore him.
www.jesus.si
Written by
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Categories:
funny, life
Retirement and the Mountains
Retirement in the Mountains
There once was an old mountain man.
He hunted and lived off the land.
He always felt fine.
When he danced in moonshine.
So he danced and imbibed like he planned.
© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 11, 2010
Poetic form: Limerick
Written by
Jan Oskar Hansen
Categories:
absence, humorous, retirement,
Fidel Castro
Fidel Castro
So you do know Fidel Castro? I think I do
that was the name of the mess boy, the one who
had to do the dirty dishes and clean floors
“Fy” as he was called was older than me and had
a much better education, and I, as his boss felt his
contempt being told what to do by an officer of
working class, roots. But I knew as everybody who
read knows, the little man is but a servant for
the rich, they need someone educated to tell them
what to do; In Venezuela, Fidel jumped ship he was
not missed and we got another mess-boy
who could not read or write because the wage he got
could support his family. The downside was I had
no one to argue with
Written by
Aniruddha Pathak
Categories:
humor, husband, retirement,
Retired Husband, Tired Wife
When a man retires from working life,
That’s when a full-time job gets his wife.
The job of a day’s time
Rewarding rare a dime,
And as perks— life on edge rife with strife!
______________________________________________________
When I wrote this I wondered why it took me15 long years to pen a small ditty like this. But it is hard on men to confess truth. I’m sure all suffering spouses must be feeling somewhat like this. Yet, to be fair on me, I get all along solid firing from the new boss— much more than I might have received all of working career.
_____________________________________________________
Tongue-in-cheek | 01.05.15 |
Written by
Donna Ahsinger
Categories:
age, change, depression, humor, retirement,
Golden Years
Oh what's so good about the golden years?
Kids are grown and gone away.
Still there's no time to play.
Once in awhile they'll stop in to say,
have you got a couple of bucks?
I'm a little short today.
Oh what's so good about the golden years?
If you can't remember and you can't hear.
You got experience behind you, they say.
Learned it all through trial and era.
Wonder if that'll look good on my resume?
Oh what's so good about the golden years?
What once was important,
has faded away.
Our minds are weaker,
our bodies are feeble.
Oh what grim display.
Just to survive another day.
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
autumn, dog, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, retirement, silly,
retirement
dog catcher ferguson jeeves
found a new job raking leaves
since he turned eighty one
neighbors now have more fun
he's no longer spreading fleas.
Written by
Larry Bradfield
Categories:
humorous,
Rudolph's Retirement
Old Rudolph sired a reindeer last June
In hopes Santa would retire him soon
But the young one's red nose winks
Like a brothel's red light blinks
So they tied him outside the saloon
12-14-18
For contest Funny Reindeer Limerick for Tania Kitchin
Written by
Dale Gregory Cozart
Categories:
humor,
Planning For Retirement
I will not go for collagen,
I'll just stay away from halogen.
Written by
Nola Perez
Categories:
funny,
Retirement
Thirty years in the work force,
I might have stopped earlier, of course,
but kept on working with my hard-earned skills.
It kept me out of trouble and paid the bills.
Eight hours travail, then home in time
to do the "rest", which was nothing of the kind.
Friday night laundry and pushing the vacuum, Say?,
'til two in the morning so as have a free Saturday.
How did I do it without risking a seizure?
As stay-at-home writer, do I have any leisure?
You guessed it: my busy life is out to get me.
I'd like to quit, but my Boss won't let me.
for Andrea, who asks where I've been
Written by
Greg Gaul
Categories:
age, emotions, feelings, humor, perspective, retirement, romance,
Elder Interest
Some archaeologists like to
date older women.
Thanks Ogden
7 words
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humor, nature, poetry, retirement, work,
Past My Heyday
For fifty years I went to work
Minimum wage; was I a jerk
I'd slave away every day
Bus ride home, eat, hit the hay
Now a new life has opened up for me
Doing something I can hardly believe
Waking up, I go outside; gaze at the grass, sky and trees
Thus fortified, I head back in and write poetry
It'll never pay the bills, but there are no bills to pay
Only one complaint ~ I keep on hitting the hay
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humor, money, retirement, time,
Time To Rewire
When a person retires
It's time to rewire
The first thing to do?
Break your clock in two
No more 'early,' no more 'late'
No train to catch, no bus for to wait
And when you no longer obsess about time
For Pete's sake, stop counting every last dime
Go ahead, sport, enjoy spending your money
Your grandkids will love you, and so will your honey
Now just follow these tips exactly as written
~ And an early grave is what you will sit in
November 07, 2020
Completely Your Choice (39) Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Brian Strand
Written by
Stephanie Musarra
Categories:
humor,
Retirement Sucks
Canes break
Walkers fly
Dentures are thrown
No one asks why
With no livelihood
We fail to thrive
Nothing to do
But watch the paint dry
Retirement sucks
Work was my life
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
humor, retirement,
Waiting List
His soul lament
He’s not here yet
His retirement
Still life with breath
4/13/2019
An Epitaph to Make Us Laugh 2
Jesse Rowe - sponsor
Written by
David Crandall
Categories:
childhood, humor, imagination, music, retirement,
Jackson Paper Retires
"Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea", Leonard Lipton and Peter Yarrow
His name was Jackson Paper.
Forgotten by history,
disappearing like a vapor,
he was born near Honalee.
He became successful enough,
but forgot his childhood friend.
Years later, in a smoky puff,
he met a fiery end.
Happy Ending
While, Jackson, ol' Puff did destroy,
in his place, a younger male
heard, "long time no see, Jackie boy,
time for us to set sail".
Written by
Line Gauthier
Categories:
age, life, longing, perspective, retirement, solitude, time,
Funny How Friday Lost Its Cachet
fridays were exciting
~
breaking
workweek from weekend
~
however
now retired
don't miss adventure
mostly crave quietude
posted on May 29, 2020
Written by
Simon Hamill
Categories:
funny, goodbye, retirement,
LIFE OF A SHOVEL
I REMEMBER MY CREATOR
A GREAT BIG BURLY LAD
I WAS SENT OFF TO THE HARDWARE STORE
TO DO THE SAME JOB AS MY DAD.
A YOUNG CHAP CAME A BOUGHT ME
HE TOOK ME TO THE SITE
HE MADE ME WORK FOR HOURS ON END
MORNING NOON AND NIGHT.
MY BLADE IS GOING RUSTY NOW
MY EDGE HAS GONE TO POT
MY SHAFT THAT ONCE WAS RIGID
IS GOING SOFT AND STARTING TO ROT.
I KNOW MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED
I'M PASSED MY USE BY DATE
COULD YOU TAKE ME TO THE FOUNDRY PLEASE
TURN ME INTO SOMETHING MORE ORNATE.
IT'S HARD WORK BEING A SHOVEL
I WANT TO RETIRE.