Humorous and funny Religion poems and/or funny poems about Religion. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Religion funny poems!
Written by
Tomas Vazquez
Categories:
adventure, easter, fear, funny, nonsense, religion,
Twas the Night Before Easter
He knows if you are sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good.
Zombie Jesus must be staked!
So eat your crackers and wine,
And think that you'll be saved,
But that's not why he's here because
Your brains are what he craves!
He'll never stop his rampage.
Not until he's fully fed,
But nothing satisfies his hunger
Like what rattles in your head.
He's coming down the chimney.
He's underneath your bed.
You think you can outrun him,
But soon you will be dead.
So you better not whisper,
You better not cry
Cuz even a shot between his eyes
Won't stop Zombie Jesus, tonight..
Written by
Mark J. Halliday
Categories:
chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,
Valentine
Valentinius--
Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.
Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
Mostly chocolates!
It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!
Written by
Timothy Hicks
Categories:
faith, fun, funny, humorous, religion,
Holy Humor
Jehovah's Witness' Door Pamphlets
Pious
Fly-ahs
Catholic Church During Halloween
Scary
Mary
Scrabble Night With Missionaries
Wordy
Clergy
Preacher Owning at Dungeons & Dragons
Master
Pastor
Our Holiness the Dalai Getting a Text From His Ex
Lama
Drama
Sea Anemone Makes Amends
Moral
Coral
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
funny, religion,
The Hereafter
He asked his flock if they believed in the Hereafter
Amen, pastor, they said amid much joy and laughter!
Hereafter, when the plate is passed
I expect it to be filled up fast
For some reason chapel attendance plunged thereafter
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
god, humor, religion,
Oh My God
OH MY GOD!!!
Assemble all the gods we’ve built,
stand them in a line, then walk along
the corridor and ponder which is yours,
which is mine? Dragons, stoics, satyrs,
saints, all stony faced with colored paints.
Some in regal pompous robes others missing
all their clothes. Fierce and sullen, sour faced
one look to put you in your place, kind and
gentle, bended knee promising to set you free.
Ogre sneers on giant cats, fat and sassy spoiled brats.
These are the gods we have created.
Thank God they never met - and mated.
John G. Lawless
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
humor, inspiration, love, magic, nonsense, religion, romance,
Ink
Today I write just for you My soul wants you to feel great not blue The ink in my veins write so true
Date Written: 7/6/2021
4 Place
Bite Size Poem no 11 Poetry Contest Sponsored by: Line Gauthier
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
angel, blessing, fire, humor, religion, uplifting, words,
Featherless Angels
How did you become featherless
Angels are always blessed and do bless
Standing too close to the fire
Devil got me in a crossfire
Make sure you always tell God yes
Written by
Anthony Beck
Categories:
allusion, humorous, mythology, religion,
Whatchamacallit
A total whatchamacallit,
That absolute kinda deal;
We'll never know what it looks like,
Nor how it might taste or feel.
But we'll always recognize it
The minute it's not in sight.
And if you say you're skeptical,
A brouhaha you'll ignite.
Written by
Colm Sweeney
Categories:
humorous, religion,
Nano Nagle
Sister Nano Nagle,
Always carried a bagel,
She fed to a rabbit,
Kept under her habit.
Written by
Dan Keir
Categories:
allah, angel, angst, courage, dream, education, faith, fantasy, fear, funny, god, heaven, history, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, introspection, jesus, journey, life, lonely, loss, lost, lost love, love, miracle, mystery, nostalgia, on work and working, parody, passion, peace, people, philosophy, political, prayer, recovery from..., religion, religious, spiritual, stress, success, sympathy, teacher, time, write,
Haikus About God: V
Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
funny, religion,
Needy Pastor
The pastor was feeling quite blue,
Pennies on his plate were few,
So he gave a blazing rendition
On the church's tithing tradition
And the pennies on his plate soon grew.
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
humor, religion,
If I Go To Heaven
If I go
to heaven,
then what?
Written by
Mike Dailey
Categories:
angst, funny, health, nature, religion, satire, wifeme, me,
Menopause Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake
I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap
So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest
Short Poem contest - Honorable Mention finish
Mdailey
written for my wife
Written by
Colm Sweeney
Categories:
humorous, religion,
Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa of Calcutta,
Was a bit of a nutter,
She upset the slums,
When playing the drums.
Written by
Colm Sweeney
Categories:
humorous, religion,
Sister Mary Ward
Sister Mary Ward
Prayed to the Lord,
"Let me leave this ghetto,
And set up Loreto."
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
food, kids, funny, god, philosophy, religion, science,
The Newton Epitaph
Had a fig Newton
Dropped it on the floor
God said, Let Newton be!
And all was right.
Until the Ants
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, prejudice, religion,
The Gay Bishop
When out for a walk yesterday
I bumped into our local padre
He wears rainbow dog collars
Looks a million dollars
He is proud to admit he is gay!
01~14~17
Fiction write which was
Inspired by reading about a gay bishop in the UK
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
car, fun, funny, life, religion, religious,
A Better Warranty
If priests sold used cars and
Used car salesmen sold heaven’s land
Would you get a better warranty of faith -
In hand
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
humorous, religion,
Limerick: Once a Meat-Vendor In Mylapur
Limerick: Once a Meat-Vendor in Mylapur
Once a Meat-Vendor in Mylapur*
Set up shop (O!) Brahmin virtue pure
No hungry customers
Knocked past the front shutters
Though brisk business raged at rear door.
• Brahmin enclave in Chennai, Tamil-Nadu, India.
Brahmins were not vegetarians from antiquity.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
faith, funny, humorous, religion,
The Gun and God Combo
"The peacemaker" is Glock's new gun
Its spent rounds are rapture and fun
Yes killing's a thrill
Since I'm mentally ill
And need to own more than just one
A gun for me is like prozac
The bullets clipped pills in a stack
I'm not paranoid
But have weapons deployed
In case I should have an attack
Written by
Paul Schneiter
Categories:
humor, religion,
Tolled
James was his church’s bell ringer
Some would listen and linger.
To make the bell louder
James became stouter.
Now he’s known as a real humdinger.
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
heaven, humor, religion, boy,
The Cowboy and Beelzebub
Off to the Church this Cowboy went
For Sunday to him was Heaven sent
But as he took to his pew
Suddenly into their view
Beelzebub, he, now present
Imagine the screaming now starting
To the exits they're simply departing
But this Cowboy remains
Against Beelzebub's deign
Oh the odours of the leaving farting
To the Cowboy, Beelzebub says
In a broken down language display
Are you frightened of me
Am I stronger than thee
Not really, who do you think you portray
For Satan I am, but you never have fears
No matter what I say, leaves you no tears
So simply, what can it be
That your not scared of thee
I've been married to your sister for years
.
Written by
Stanley Ohlswager
Categories:
bible, humanity, humor, religion, satire,
Moses
Moses
In Deuteronomy
Couldn’t deal with masculinity;
Couldn’t deal with femininity,
So he settled on
Neuteronomy
Written by
Paul Curtis
Categories:
funny, religion,
The Widows Mite
The Vicar’s sermon
Frank and forthright
Raised the question
Of the widows mite
Quite unnecessary
In my humble view
Because in our parish
There are only two
And I know for a fact
That they both do
Written by
Paul Schneiter
Categories:
humor, religion,
Quick Cleric
There was a pastor named Caste
Whose habit of swearing was vast.
Some said his firing was near
But Caste cited nothing to fear
“You see, I repent too _____ fast.”