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Funny Poems About Relationship
Humorous and funny Relationship poems and/or funny poems about Relationship. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Relationship funny poems!
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
computer-internet, humorous, relationship,
I Can Only Hand It To You
Tapped messages go out direct
With phones it's an easy connect
Thoughts from a finger
In cyberspace linger
But touching's too much to expect
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humorous, marriage, relationship, romance,
Sweet Nothings In His Ear
She whispered sweet nothings in his ear
He seemed so pleased, she’d nothing to fear
So odd, thought she, he never liked this before
And now with his smile, he clearly wants more…
If you can keep a secret, dear reader, I’ll tell you, says he
I’ve gone deaf as a doorpost; nothing irritates me
I just keep this silly smile glued to my face
Nod my head sometimes too, just in case…
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
hate, humor, love, relationship, today, together
Today
Today,
I love you.
Today,
I hate you.
This week,
I love you,
This week,
I hate you.
Can this go on,
it has for years.
This love hate relationship,
is now over.
I am kicking you to the curb,
to the trash can you must go.
Did you figure me out,
I am your bathroom scale.
Hooray~you are gone.
Written by
Tasha Taylor
Categories:
boyfriend, funny love, girlfriend, psychological, relationship,
Schizophrenia
"Doctor!
Doctor!
How is he?"
"Quite terrible, Miss.
He will not survive the night,
Probably not even the hour."
"What does he have?
Terminal cancer?
Pneumonia?
Cardiac Arrest?"
"No.
It is worse then all of those.
Even combined."
"Oh no!
Can I see him?
"I imagine you can, Miss.
But that's the problem.
I'm afraid I can't treat him
Since I can't--"
"Doctor! Please tell me.
I love him.
He's my boyfriend.
We have no secrets."
"Then you may wanna sit down.
Miss, I am sorry to inform you,
Your boyfriend is ailed with
A severe case of nonexistence."
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, marriage, relationship, technology,
He Didn'T Get the Message - Collaboration
There once was a fellow named Ted
Who recently in church got wed
His wife was in the mood
Laying there in the nude…
He was texting his friends instead!
He was sending text after text
His new wife was feeling quite vexed
'I'm after your bone -
now get off your phone ....
Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed!
A collaboration with Jospeh May
Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich
1st May 2016
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
conflict, humorous, relationship,
A Little Bird Told Me
Sue decided to send Jim a tweet
She used words that were quite indiscreet
Calling him a fat turd -
(Using another word)
Their romance has taken a back seat!
12~23~16
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
funny love, humorous, relationship, , cute,
Cutie Patootie Bawdy Limerick
Pat swung from a chandelier
Fell off and hurt her cute rear
She gave it a rub
And soaked in the tub
Next time she’ll stay off the beer!
Pat copied the birds and the bees
And had carpet burns on her knees
She saw her GP
He said ‘Oh dear me’ -
Next time settle for a quick squeeze
But Pat said I’m always so randy
And so is my boyfriend called Sandy
If he can’t have a lay
At least three times a day
He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy
'for Pat' with my love xx
05~03~17
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
change, humorous, relationship,
All Change
When Mandy met Randy
Oh boy her legs went bandy
She began to walk like John Wayne …
Looked like she was in a lot of pain
But Mandy had a huge smile on her face
And her nights with Randy kept that smile in place
They have the most incredible sex life -
Randy has stopped sleeping with his wife
Randy’s wife her name is Brandy
Met Mandy’s hubby his name is Sandy
So Mandy and Randy and Brandy and Sandy
Have done a partner swap, oh isn’t that handy!
11~26~16
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
body, humorous, leaving, relationship,
Leaves Talking
He called me a fat stupid old sow
Said my **** was the size of a cow!
So now we’re not talking
In fact, I am walking
From his life … I’ll go pack my bags now!
N/A in Leaves talking Contest
Submitted to any poem that got an N/A in September
Sponsored by Janice Canerdy
09~16~16
Written by
John Hamilton
Categories:
humorous, imagery, men, relationship, women,
Chivalry Is Not Dead
Chivalry is not dead...
Chivalry is not dead...just in a coma, on life support,
waiting for a woman to come along with the defibrillator!
John Derek Hamilton
July 20,2016
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, relationship, wedding,
Ted's Male Order Bride Footles
Gets book
Takes look
Vast choice
Likes ‘Joyce’
Her smiles
Beguiles
Brown Eyes
Trim thighs
Red lips
Slim hips
Pert '***'
She’ll pass!
HUGE chest …
Impressed!
Ted’s rash
Pays cash
Wants bride
By side
His home
In Rome
Joyce flies
In skies
On plane
From Spain
His ‘bride’
Is WIDE
Huge bum
And Tum
Not young
Ted’s stung
You Lied
He cried
Fat cow…
Leave NOW!
Any poem written in March NOT for a contest
Sponsored by Laura Loo
03~21~17
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, husband, relationship, wife, word play,
A Greek Tragedy
I knew an old woman from Greece
Whose whinging words would seldom cease
She’d constantly whine
When drunk on red wine
Her husband’s in dire need of peace!
How much cash does a Grecian earn -
such questions I tried hard to spurn
Her husband went mad
and did something bad -
she’s interred in a Grecian urn!
8/20/19
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
boy, grandmother, humorous, relationship,
The Last Laugh
One day my half brother Eric
From Oklahoma, visited us
He brought with him some fake vomit
Just to see who he could disgust!
When he was close to my grandma
He heaved and dropped it on the floor
We laughed at the look on her face
First a giggle, then up to a roar!
Then we saw her sweeping it up
At the trash can she threw it in
Even though we said, "It's not real!"
She shuffled off, and I saw her grin!
Written by
Sunlite Wanter
Categories:
humor, relationship,
Mother's Voice
Hush, my dear mother, say no more
(Shut up your criticizing, out the door)
I know you love me, want my best,
(You’re putting my temper to an acid test)
I’m trying Jenny Craig, I know I’ll win
(Your suggestions are tantamount to starvation sin!)
Hush, my dear mother, say no more.
Written by
Viv Wigley
Categories:
humor, relationship,
Happy Couple
Why do we have pairs of scissors?
Since that's how they've always been known,
why do we care why we call them a pair
when one is no good on its own?
The same thing applies to our trousers,
just wearing the one would be daft,
just showing one knee, ugly veins you could see
and I don't think I'd cope with the draught.
The same thing applies to my spectacles,
another I couldn't let pass,
since one on its own as a monocle it's known
so why not just call it a glass?
I asked my good Lady's opinion,
she said 'oh, that's quite plain to see,
as a pair we get on, and the jobs all get done
but you'd be useless without me'.
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
anger, care, celebration, drug, humor, relationship
I love and kiss the CVS people
I’ll get to the pills with a twist
The scripts filled by my pharmacist
If there’s a hiccup
Delaying the pick-up
Watch out as I might just get pissed
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
giggle, goodbye, relationship, smile, word play,
A 'Cheery - O'
Rescue relationships that are only so-so
~ Take your leave with a 'Pip, pip, Cheerio!'
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
giggle, relationship,
Terms of Endearment
I miss you most when you're not here
So stay away, my lovely dear
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
city, humor, relationship,
Everything is for the Good
‘Tis a pity I live in the city
and you in a faraway wood
And yet, everything is for the good
~ You’ve never found me witty
Written by
Bartholomew Williams
Categories:
books, education, funny, humorous, life, relationship
Learning - a Good Investment
A lazy student known as Burt,
To parents and teachers was curt.
With little knowledge,
Flunked out of college;
Played stock market and lost his shirt!
12/22/18
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
body, humorous, people, relationship, sexy, woman
A Skin Peel
The thorougher the skin peel,
the stronger the sex apeal.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
funny, marriage, men, psychological, relationship, trust
How To Give a Guy a Premarital Suitability Exam
Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
animal, humorous, men, people, poverty, relationship
The Poor
He's poorer, who rapes
poor apes.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
dance, humorous, relationship, silly,
Terrifying Tina
A petite ballerina named Tina
Seemed serene but she couldn’t be meaner
When she got in the sack
She was on the attack
At the size and the shape of his ‘wiener’
Her suitors would then try to dodge her
After insults on their little todger
But listen up guys
I have a surprise
She’s transgender and she was once Rodger!
New or Old 4 - Poetry Contest Sponsored by Eve Roper
20th March 2016
Written by
Earl Schumacker
Categories:
adventure, celebrity, humorous, image, political, relationship
Bill and Monica - Limerick
Bill And Monica - Limerick
There once was a girl called Monica
Bill played her like a harmonica
Placed cigars in her rear
News said that was *****
Both caught on surveillance electronica