Humorous and funny New Year poems and/or funny poems about New Year. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious New Year funny poems!
Written by
Andrea Dietrich
Categories:
funny, january, new year,
The Non-Resolver
I’ve been watching my weight since 14,
but with all of the diets I’ve seen,
they’ve become a big no-no.
This here dieting yo-yo
has stopped trying to be super lean!
Other problems I’ll change as I go.
I don’t need a New Year to say so!
Said a wise sailor man:
I yam what I yam!
Why improve on a good thing - ya know?
So the cause of the most bellyaching
at this time of the year I’m forsaking.
When you know yourself well. . .
why then go through such hell!
Resolutions I’ll never be making.
For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle
Written by
Panagiota Romios
Categories:
funny, new year,
Call the Priest, Humor Potd
Oh, Those New Years Resolutions!
Now, must call a Priest and ask for Absolution!
As If perfection, I could ever in a year achieve!
Will be saying “Bless me Father,” on humble knees!
12/9/2022
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
celebrity, humorous, new year,
January
Just where have the weeks gone
Another year has whizzed past
No New Years resolution, I'd only break it
Unless it’s to meet George Clooney
Ah fiddlesticks he’s married now!
Romance is off the cards
Yeah, but a girl can dream!
January Acrostic Contest
Sponsored by Michelle Faulkner
NB I have never made a New Year's Resolution, this is just a standing joke with my husband
1/1/19
Written by
Blake Holland
Categories:
adventure, allusion, anger, art, color, confusion, cool, crazy, fantasy, fun, funny, music, new year, paradise, rap, riddle, rude, song,
Northern Suburbia
Your love is real
the love you feel.
Your love is great
the love you make.
Your records are on fire
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy,
or be fat and lazy.
So I played some Doors
and saw some whores.
So I said goodbye
and they all must die, fool.
So dig my guts
and eat my brain
and then go insane.
I don't
Care I love it
so forget it, Punk!
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, new year,
New Year Footles
New Year
Drinks Beer
Gets drunk
Heads clunk
Drink over
Hangover
Feels sick
Loo quick!
Is ill
Needs Pill
To bed
Sore head
Morning
Dawning
Feels sad
Looks bad
Want drink…
Rethink!
1st January 2015
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, new year,
My New Year's Resolution
My new year's resolution is I’m going to get thinner
So I purchased a 'Weightwatchers’ meal as a TV dinner
When I looked at the ingredients I discovered it’s a racket
There is more nutritional value if had I eaten the blinking packet!
25th December 2014
Written by
Frank Polgar
Categories:
dark, humorous, satire,
The New Year
welcome to the nightmare
365 days of triskaidekaphobia
where will you hide
The world didn't end in 2012, so now we have to deal with the number 13 all year long. I wrote this poem with that in mind. Of course, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
food, humorous, image, new year,
A Lean New Year
I let out a scream when I stand on the scales -
the bitter truth, I’ve joined the species of whales!
I plan to go on a new weight loss diet
food is grilled, you must never fry it!
Those pre packed diet foods are such a racket
there’s more nutrients in the cardboard packet
I’ll be enrolling at the local gym
and with luck I’ll be thin as a pin
I’m going to take up weight lifting
and think of the pounds I’ll be shifting
In my Lycra I’ll cut such a dash
I hope I don’t get a nasty sweat rash!
I’ll give up candy and drinking root beer
Looks like I’m in for a depressing year!
New year 2018 Contest
Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues
12/31/17
Written by
Anne-Lise Andresen
Categories:
body, humor, new year,
- New Years Goal -
New year, new goal.
Laughter,
a goal that provides
many benefits.
A wellness challenge.
It makes the brain
swim in dopamine.
Is mood-lifting
and removes stress.
Increases metabolism,
and burns my calorie consumption
(I love chocolate)
Stronger abdominal muscles
and a well-shaped butt
The face becomes softer
- highlights the glow in the skin
All this without plastic surgery
- Goal's outcome
- a win-win situation.
Written by
Linda-Marie Sweetheart
Categories:
funny, new year,
Resolutions Replay
"Resolutions Replay"
All resolutions for twenty thirteen
Always promise to start out peachy keen
dreaming or wide awake
my pet peeve is cheesecake
A wide waistline on bikini screams "mean".
Pineapples, cheeries, strawberries or plain
Calories are the secret to weight gain
trying to deny urge
as fork and cheesecake merge
Choose will power or perhaps go insane.
Only three hundred sixty-four more days
To keep resolution intact from craves
as the replay unhinge
time for a cheesecake binge
Happy New Year rides deep hunger pang waves.
*For Gwendolen's Resolution Limerick in your Pocket.
Written by
Perry Campanella
Categories:
beach, color, dark, fire, fun, giggle, happy, humorous, inspirational, international, july, new year, poetry, senses, voice, youth,
Caution - Fireworks
E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
are hard to beat...
I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
flashing fountains, Solar Flare
Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
no incidence, no burns, thanks...
Whistles blow, fountains glow,
pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
I love those colors, high an low
trails eched onto my retina
inspired me to let ya know
Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
for you to see, right there
darkness, absolutely anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"
Written by
Suresh Babu Palani
Categories:
celebration, cheer up, dance, emotions, feelings, holiday, humor, life, new year, new years day, poetry, seasons,
Cocktail Party
New year's eve-
Regrets and hopes dance
Together.
Written by
John Trusty
Categories:
funny, introspection, new year,
Introspection By Gender
Resolving with age,
the conflict “hard versus dark.”
‘Twill be “dark” all night!
Haiku for a New Year Resolution.
For many, this may well become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Written by
Barbara Gorelick
Categories:
food, funny, new year, new years day,
Sounded Good At the Time
In the New Year I resolved to lose weight
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...
For the New Years Resolution contest.
Written by
Sean Kelly
Categories:
funny, new year,
New Name Year .
H e was always the saintly , quiet one
A and everyone knew his name .
P etula Francis Xaviar
P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
Y et , he always held his dignity
N o matter , who would provoke
E specially , his crazy sister
W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .
Y es , it was time for big decisions
E specially for twenty ten
A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..
Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
drink, holiday, humorous, new year, sad, stress, wine,
2021 a New Year
2020 drove me to disappear,
2021 is almost here.
Off for drinks and zen, all I can say is hooray and amen.
Date Written:12/20/2020
3 Place Christmas Chastushka - Rules Revised Contest Judged:12/24/2020
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich
Written by
Demetrios Trifiatis
Categories:
hope, humorous, new year,
What An Excuse
Oh, you charming, New Year,
What a great excuse you are
For
All my Ill-fated efforts of the
Year just past, to forget!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
24 JANUARY 2015
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, new year, silly,
clumsy i guess
fumble, bumble, flip and flop
theres no doubt i am a sop
this new years resolution
uphold my constitution
dust myself off with a mop.
Written by
Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories:
funny, new year, philosophy, satire,
Behind
with each moment we
start a New Year
best to leave the old behind
behind
Written by
Darian Brown
Categories:
childhood, faith, friendship, funny, life, lost love, teen, new year,
Happy Day of Birth
Dear dead properties, L-o-L
Now back to earth and for what it’s worth
A new year is a laudable blessing commencing rebirth
Advance in life and don’t come back, kidding
Just don’t retreat or look back
Sweet sixteen I’m glad you’re that
On your back, me support thou sat
Feliz cumpleaños, and good luck
Love, a hungry acquaintance
Written by
Daver Austin
Categories:
funny, new year,
Smooth Talker
SMOOTH TALKER
“’til Christmas? Just two shopping days
With New Year a few more away
Considering (what you call) merchant ads -
manipulation
With Big Dave there still exists a good will
Sensation
Deck the rooms with Dave’s fine ‘threesome’
fa-la-la-la-laa-re-mem-ber Dave
The ad while not in fine spiritual keeping
shows good will with Big Dave, you save
Merry Christmas all you fine shoppers
out there in holiday land
Drop on by for some egg nog and
A tune from our Jingle Bell Band
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Come on down y’hear”
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
change, humor, new year,
Things To Do In 2022
Things to do in 2022
Breathe in – breathe out
Listen more – talk less
Pay attention
To the needs of the undemanding
Look people in the eyes
(it’s all you can see nowadays)
Breathe in – breathe out
Curb my dog – and my tongue
Soften my sharp edges
Trim my nose hairs - frequently
Tell people I love them
Even though they know it
Stop arguing with inanimate objects
And
Breathe in – breathe out
John G. Lawless
©12/27/2021
Written by
Robert Long Mellott
Categories:
funny, holiday, seasons, travel, new year,
Kangaroos Look Funny In Horns and Underoos
Kangaroos look funny in horns and underoos
Nothing like the holidays down under…
So many sweets to taste and plunder…
Mistletoe hung over head…
Sweet dreams in our slumbering bed…
The jolly man shimmying down
The hot family hearths
Not making a sound making his rounds
Asbestos underwear protecting his parts
The sweaty old boy in red
Cursing the heat of points this far south
While blimey citizens are snug in bed
Explicatives flowing from his mouth
Merry Christmas to all those down under
And happy New Year a day bloody sooner
Having no snow is a god awful blunder
The whole island should be sat in a corner!
Rlm ‘10
Written by
Cecilia Patterson
Categories:
funny, life, mystery, seasons, old, old, new year,
See Monkey See
The new year has arrived
With a new format for the brain
Made promises to myself
Made with intentions to keep
All the ones of the past
Now gone with an old year
One now at rest
One I gave all my best
New patterns
New people
New thoughts
New harbor
New begin
New me
Now like the old saying
It's time to
"See Monkey See"
Written by
Paula Goldsmith
Categories:
fun, humor, new year, poems, uplifting, voice, write,
Funny New Years Resolutions For 24
Quote By Poet "The pen is the tongue for many writers."
Welcome to the new twenty-four,
I am laughing on the floor.
Pen you need to change,
tongue you need to rearrange.
No talking just write a lot more.