Humorous and funny Grandmother poems and/or funny poems about Grandmother. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandmother funny poems!
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
12th grade, family, father daughter, humor, humorous, mother daughter
My Princess
When I grow up, will I still be princess?
Of course, says glowing daddy.
A roll of the queen’s eyes.
Written by
Timothy Brumley
Categories:
family, funny, mother
A Clean Hacienda
There once was a woman named Linda
Who would keep a clean hacienda
Till four children she bore
And then bore she one more...
She now has a different agenda!
Timothy I. Brumley
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
food, humorous,
What Didn'T Kill Us - My Mother In Law's Cooking
I endured burnt offerings at the table -
A meal ‘cooked’ by my mother in law
If I hadn’t been married her lovely son
I’d have walked straight out of the door!
I heaved at every charred mouthful
Smiled, and said the meal was ‘divine’
She told me she’d had cookery lessons
But her food was only fit to feed swine!
Is my poem just a fairy story
Or is it a clever allegory?
What Doesn’t Kill Us Contest
Sponsored by Laura Loo
74 words
02~24~17
Written by
Debra L Brown
Categories:
2nd grade, 3rd grade, flower, giggle, nature, spring
Mother Nature's Scolding
****
Winter and spring had a fight.
We had 4 inches of snow late last night.
The tulips and daffodils are covered in snow.
Cold winds and temperatures above zero.
Their dear mother said, "You two better play nice!"
"Do not cross me or you'll pay the price."
Written by
Sandra Haight
Categories:
humor, mother, son,
Elizabeth's Throne
Elizabeth’s Throne
You still sit on England’s grand throne!
For sixty plus years crown you own!
Your subjects all wait—
Will you abdicate?
Will Charles make it to the King zone?
© Sandra M. Haight 2015
All Rights Reserved
~1st Place
Contest: Long Live the Queen
Sponsor: Judy Konos
Judged: 06/06/2015
.
Written by
Lisa Bailey
Categories:
childhood, funny, mother, son, mother,
Mother May I
Mother may I
Go out and play
My child
Have you cleaned your room today
Are your toys packed away
in your toy chest with care
Yes mother yes
its all in there
Did you make your bed
like i showed you how
yes mother yes
may I go now
Yes son yes
after a brief inspection
son shakes his head
not what I was expecting
Never-mind mother
I'm going to my room
oh by the way
can you hand me the broom?
Written by
Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart
Categories:
father, humor, mother,
My Dad Is Dead, I Think
Try to recall
What was he like?
Seems so long ago
Years and fathers alike.
Was he the second,
Or maybe the third?
So many behind me
My memory is blurred.
My mom's average is low,
Two years at the most;
Believe me twelve fathers
Is nothing to boast.
He looked so familiar,
How could I forget?
Was he my real dad?
I fill with regret,
For now he lies buried
Six feet below.
Was he my real dad?
I may never know.
circa 1989
Written by
Jessica Wheeler
Categories:
creation, daughter, fun, funny, humor, mother
Poop- There It Is
No pushing or breaking of water
It was a c-section that brought her
But this is about
What wouldn’t come out
A poop just as big as my daughter!
Perhaps it was pain medication
To clog up and cause constipation
Nurse said I must show
They won’t let me go
Till poop- there it is- defecation!
Determined, I pulled an all-nighter.
That turd was a hell of a fighter.
And then with my tush,
Turns out I did push!
And poof! I was seven pounds lighter!
Written by
Sarah Cassleman
Categories:
dad, family, funny, grandfather, grandmother, mother
My Heritage
My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds. Let's start on
My Dad's side of the family.
My Dad's mom is Irish and English.
My Dad's dad is Irish and German.
My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.
My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.
So in other words,
I'm a mutt! or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"
Written by
Larry Belt
Categories:
funny
The Mother-In-Law Limerick
With only one look it ruptured my spleen
The ugliest creature I've ever seen
You'd know if you ever saw
It's called my mother-in-law
And smells like the gas produced from a bean
Written by
Cindi Rockwell
Categories:
crazy, daughter, funny, mother, mother daughter,
Momma Knows Best -- For Contest
Momma always told me,
"Children should be seen but not heard."
'Til I streaked through her Garden Party
And muttered not a word.
Momma always told me,
"The best birth control is an aspirin held tight between your knees."
But my boyfriends ALL had headaches!
Glad I put their heads at ease!
Momma always told me,
"They won't buy the cow if they get the milk for free,"
So I never served my best beaus milk,
Just liquor, wine and me!
Poor momma had another saying,
"You'll be the death of me!"
Momma, you were always right!
There was arsenic in that tea.
7/1/15
Written by
D. C. Jordan
Categories:
boyfriend, feelings, humor, mother son,
Girl From Wheeling
There was a young lady from Wheeling
West Virginia, that is
Who had a peculiar feeling that
Her boyfriend Jack was cheating
She took it to his Mom
“Mom” she said, “your son Jack
Is really pissing me off.
I'm ready to hit the ceiling.”
“Ya know,” Mom said, “You crack me up.
I'm tickled he goes to your head
He irritates me the same way about you
So I tell him to stay unwed.”
So Mom was the other woman
The young lady from Wheeling suspected
So she lay on her back and considered Mom amd Jack
“I would like to see them dissected!”
Written by
Colm Sweeney
Categories:
humorous, religion,
Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa of Calcutta,
Was a bit of a nutter,
She upset the slums,
When playing the drums.
Written by
Cona Adams
Categories:
humor, mother,
Mother
Generous to a fault,
stubborn as a mule;
a bit older than dirt
but as a general rule-
we treasure your smile,
love your sense of humor;
we applaud your *****
and we've spread the rumor-
that in your younger days
you ate fatback and greens
and could wield a switch
that made us shoot our beans.
In spite of all the memories
and recurring nightmare scenes,
we're proud to call you Mom
and glad we've got your genes.
Written by
Tirzah Conway
Categories:
allegory, family, father, funny, husband, mother
She Really Did Get This Call
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Written by
Katherine Stella
Categories:
funny, imagination, mother, nature, philosophy, seasons
Don'T Mess With Mom
there is no fury
like a woman's fury -
so don't mess with mom
Tribute To
Mother Nature
It's Not Nice
Fooling
Mother Nature LOL
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
clothes, humorous, mother daughter,
Green Sleeves - Bawdy Limerick Edited
Val’s daughter was picking her nose
Then wiping snot on Val’s new clothes
When Val finds sticky mess
Of green slime on her dress
The distress in her quickly rose
Green bogeys all over her sleeve
So slimy they make poor Val heave
To resolve this issue
Hands daughter a tissue
But bogeys on dress will not leave!
Val’s outfit that once was pristine
Is covered with snot of bright green
To compound Val’s distress
She cannot wash this dress
Dry cleaning should get her dress clean!
each stanza 8,8,6,6,8 checked with how many syllables
3/14/19
Written by
Julie Grenness
Categories:
break up, change, cheer up, divorce, family, funny
My Mother In Law Is Poisoning Me
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW IS POISONING ME!
I think my mother-in-law is poisoning me.
The electric range is smelling strange,
She tests the smoke detector by cooking everyday....
Now the entire kitchen is acting deranged.
Semolina at 3:30,
Mercury hits 120 degrees!
Nausea and stomach cramps are rising in me,
Red-sauced tripe is afflicting me.
Outside it's now Celsius 43 degrees.
Now Bulimia is what I see,
I have to stay for tea,
Yes, my mother-in-law is poisoning me,
There's much to said for ...
D.I.V.O.R.C.E!!!!!
Written by
Alex Klugman
Categories:
funny,
Said Mother-In-Law
Said mother-in-law: -" When my time to come,
My ashes scatter in this court in a burial rite."
Thinking, the son-in-law answered in fright: -
"But, if a wind drive you in house again, dear mum?"
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
funny, introspection, life, love, mother, on work and working
Her Voice Say
.
When tired from sweeping with the storebought broom
I'd lean against not wanting to resume
Momma said, "Nusing your bab?"
I would sweep, under breath crab
Now would love to hear her say, "Clean your room!"
(Momma would say nusing not nursing..Bab is instead of baby..)
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, husband, i love you, mother son, wisdom, boxing day
My Parting Gifts
The time has come for me to say goodbye forever
I am not brilliant at expressing my emotions
But in the words of ‘Sealion Dion’ ….
‘I will always love you’
If you check in the filing cabinet
You will find my portfolio of shares
I have kept the Woolworth's certificate it may be valuable
They may resurface one day ….
That’s the wonder of Woolies!
If you ever need a new sofa…. don’t forget these immortal words
The DFS Half Price Sale starts at 10am on Boxing Day!
Contest:- My Parting Gifts
Sponsor:- Viv Wigley
02~06~16
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
anger, humorous, mother daughter, teenage,
Spoilt Brat Footles
‘Princess’
in mess
Flicks hair -
Beware
Bad mood
Is rude
She whines
At times
She pouts
And shouts
Mummy …
DUMMY!!!!!!!!!!
Stamps feet
Retreat!
Can clout –
Watch out!
Prissy
Missy
Spoilt brat –
Hate that!
5th June 2015
Written by
Jerry T Curtis
Categories:
drink, humor, humorous, ireland, irony, mother
A Peaceful Pub
Shawn walked in the local pub
and sat down by McGee
Shawn spoke softly in his ear
But McGee did not agree
He shook his head and waved his drink
As his voice was getting loud
When McGee insulted Shawn
It silenced the whole crowd
McGee slurred out one insult
followed by another
while knocking back another pint, said
"I Slept with your dear mother"
The crowd wide eyed and wondering
That sure would make Shawn mad
But Shawn just took him by the arm, said
" You're drunk, let's go home Dad "
Written by
Andrew Crisci
Categories:
children, funny, holiday, mother, nature, seasons
Triple Haiku-Snow and Wonderment
JACK'S SNOWMAN
It took three whole days
for Jack to build a snowman;
he's as tall and strong
THRILLED BY SNOW
They are thrilled and scream..
playing in the deep, fresh snow;
they cannot their mom
PONDERING MYSTERY
Heart, take a quick look:
isn't winter's glittering snow
so mysterious?
Written by
Diona Finley
Categories:
black african american, childhood, funny, life, mother, teen
Black Mama
Child if you don't get yo nappy head;
Imma give you something to cry about.
Get yo butt over here.
Say one mo thang.
Ima beat the black off of ya.
Wait til i'm finish.
I bet not hear another word.
It'll hurt me more than It'll hurt you.
You act up here, I'ma act with you.
Im aint chasing after you.
I put you in this world I sho nuff can take you out.
That's a black mama.