Humorous and funny Holiday poems and/or funny poems about Holiday. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Holiday funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Holiday Poems.
Poem Details | by
Carolyn Devonshire |
Categories:
funny, holiday
All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
If there’s no Valentine treat
From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself
Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
Just splurge – get a new hairdo
Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”
*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest
Poem Details | by
Arthur Vaso |
Categories:
fantasy, fun, funny, holiday, humorous, love,
I want a piece of chocolate cake
Oh and a delicious piece of cherry pie
I want a piece of that place called Fort Knox
With all those pieces I could afford a lot
I want a piece of that lady over there
In her haute couture she saunters with such flair
I want a piece of the clouds in the sky
I just want it, don't ask me why!
I want some tiny peace of mind
To have some pieces left to be kind
Then I can give you a piece of Art
A piece I promise comes straight from the heart
Poem Details | by
Anais Vionet |
Categories:
11th grade, care, christmas, feelings, holiday, humor, teen,
It’ll be an old fashioned Christmas,
with Santa due down the chute.
I bet he Purells his reindeer,
and Lysols his hazmat suit.
It’s an old fashioned Christmas.
We’ll all have on our masks,
and our muffled yuletide carols,
will be just like seasons past.
We’ll observe all the guidelines.
We’ll eat six feet apart.
We’ll have disinfectant under the mistletoe,
and keep safety in our hearts.
Sure, it’s an old fashioned Christmas.
One unique to the times.
The love this year might be careful,
but the feelings are genuine.
Poem Details | by
Anne-Lise Andresen |
Categories:
giggle, holiday, love,
Carl is still in Rio
He is hooked on the casino
Sweet love in moonlight
Cherry musk all night
His libido is like a volcano
01.03.2018
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
6-8-5 -5 -10 syllables
www.howmanysyllables.com
Poem Details | by
Mark J. Halliday |
Categories:
chocolate, holiday, humorous, religion, valentines day,
Valentinius--
Not much is known about him,
But all girls love him.
Saint Valentine's Feast,
On February fourteenth:
Mostly chocolates!
It would make more sense
To honor Aphrodite...
So then, why don't we?!
Poem Details | by
Duke Beaufort |
Categories:
business, funny, holiday, philosophy, time,
The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend
Poem Details | by
Andrea Dietrich |
Categories:
christmas, funny, holiday,
For anyone struggling in the holiday season!!
Although there's nothing much that I could add
to all the Christmas wishes ever made,
I'll wish for you that traffic won't be bad
the day you shop and that you may get paid
some kind of Christmas bonus for a change,
and when beneath the mistletoe you stand,
I hope you're not approached by someone strange,
but rather by a stranger who is grand!
And should you be so childish (I mean bold)
to ice skate on a lake or board the snow,
I pray for you that you don't catch a cold
or break a leg as down some hill you go.
My wishes, like my gifts, are kind of cheap;
May faith in them require no giant leap!
Poem Details | by
Pat Adams |
Categories:
christmas, holiday, horror, humor,
The elves filled Santa's sack with toys
For all the good little girls and boys
When he lifted it up he used his back
Instead of his legs and he tore his sack
An elf gave a band-aid to Santa, their proctor
Santa said, "No, I need to go to a doctor"
But sadly a doctor he would do without
There was no time, so he started his route
He stood up in the sleigh, his jewels in a brace
Yelling, "OW, Merry Christmas!", all over the place!
Poem Details | by
Laurie Ginn |
Categories:
funny, holiday
Silent night, weary night
Worked all day, worked all night
Worked at baking and wrapping of gifts
Hoping the family wont get in a rift
Ohhh and where is the fruit cake
and by gosh now who spiked the nog
Silent night, weary night
House to clean, the cake has a lean
All of the stockings now hung in a row
I think the cat just swallowed a bow
Oh I forgot batteries
Thank God 7-11 won’t close
Silent night, weary night
Family is gathered
The paper is scattered
I still have three more gifts now to build
No understanding the instructions will yield
Oh but these are the good times
I keep repeating this in my mind
Poem Details | by
Joseph Spence Sr |
Categories:
adventure, family, fantasy, funny, happiness, holiday, music,
World of Walt Disney
The day after Thanksgiving
Shoulder to shoulder
© Joseph 11/23/07
© All Rights Reserved
Author’s Comments: The Japanese Senryu format has three lines as follows:
the first has five syllables, the second seven syllables, and the third five
syllables. The pattern is 5/7/5 for a total of seventeen syllables. The Senryu is
about an emotional expression, human nature, and things in the human realms
which maybe satiric or humorous.
Poem Details | by
Kj Force |
Categories:
bird, food, holiday, humor, thanksgiving,
I feel a blockage has occurred...
It must have been all that stuffing and Turkey bird...
The gurgles, the rumbling, the passing of gas...
It’s beyond my control ,Oh dear, please let this pass...
We have guests you see...
So I don’t have the privilege to just get up and flee...
No one should ever be in this state...
And I should never have put so much on my plate...
Cause now I’m paying and to my demise ...
The rite of passage has been denied...
I feel like I may blow up and explode...
It’s times like this when you miss the commode...
Poem Details | by
Kim Rodrigues |
Categories:
holiday, humor,
GOOD LUCK, SAM
Shamrocks with green eggs and ham.
Resistance from Sam I Am.
If you offer him gold,
he won’t see the mold.
Leprechauns roar at the sham.
3/14/2017
Kim Merryman’s Luck of the Irish Limerick Contest
Poem Details | by
Paige Kostyniuk |
Categories:
autumn, fun, funny, halloween, holiday, humor, october,
There was a vampire named Vlad. 7
The Village all thought he was bad. 7
But the true story. 5
Just wasn't gory. 5
It turns out Vlad was just sad. 7
October 23. 2019
Poem Details | by
Linda Alice Fowler |
Categories:
celebration, fantasy, halloween, holiday, humor, silly,
There once was a cool guy named Jack
Jack o’ lanterns attacked his back
Witch Cate blew straight through
Umbrella askew
She saved the famed wizard Jack Black
*The House with a Clock in Its Walls
Poem Details | by
B. Joseph Fitzsimons |
Categories:
christmas, holiday, humor, humorous, seasons, thanksgiving, winter,
Once commenced the fest of feasting and giving thanks for genocide,
‘Tis the season to be jolly to replace our thoughts of suicide.
Santa claws his way into a child’s mind insidiously,
And the air begins to reek again of yuletide idiocy.
The bliss of belief in an ancient hippie turned into a homeless wizard,
Adjoins the joy of gifts from an obese geriatric myth flying in a blizzard.
Eight deer reign behind his ninth whose nose an eightball thaws,
Fa-la-la-la-chainsaw-sounds-that-make-me-gnaw-my-inner-jaw.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
It follows us everywhere we go,
Take a look and ask like Jack, “what’s this?”
And see it’s but blinding capitalism aglow.
Poem Details | by
Doris Culverhouse |
Categories:
funny, holiday
Make us some sunshine for Christmas Santa
It's mighty gloomy here, grey clouds over head
Put the color back into the day and moon light in the night
Bring me a tender heart and may kind words overflow
Santa you can bring it, bring it like no other
Call on the heavens to roll back the clouds
Warm my muscles and calm the aches
I won't ask for nothin' else Santa
Just put a warm glow in the sky!
Poem Details | by
Barbara Gorelick |
Categories:
funny, holiday
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to pay that credit card today.
Lots of stuff, mostly junk, keeps us in the red,
Need to keep a little back, just to keep us fed.
.
Dashing through the store, pushing left and right,
Looking for the sales.. Couldn’t sleep last night.
Country’s in a mess, shouldn’t spend this way,
Just found out I kept my job, for at least another day.
Jingle bells, Jingle Bell, Jingle all the way,
Holy Cow, I can’t wait, until the month of May.
Poem Details | by
Lin Lane |
Categories:
holiday, humor,
Holidays are coming; the first is near
Halloween is a night that many fear
But the bravest ones boast
"I'm not afraid of ghosts!"
Until eerily haunting cries they hear.
There's feasting on November's holiday
Giving thanks for our blessings, we pray
But I burned the turkey
So, we ate beef jerky
On a table set in splendid array
Christmas; the holiday season of mirth
Jen partied until the time she gave birth
There was too much good cheer
We drank three kegs of beer
On New Year's Day, not a cent were we worth
Poem Details | by
Gershon Wolf |
Categories:
drink, holiday, humor, jewish, truth,
Passover Passover Pass out
What’s all the commotion about
Those four cups of wine
My eyes don’t align
Passover Passover Pass out
* * * *
The first night of Passover --
outside of Israel, the first two
nights -- Jewish law requires
that one over age 13 drink
four cups of wine. Those who
are strict do not substitute
grape juice. (I do ~ Mr. Stricken)
Poem Details | by
Paula Goldsmith |
Categories:
animal, food, fun, giggle, sick, uplifting, world,
in a flash Santa took off
he has a case of whooping cough
the reindeer are wired
now hungry and tired
they say it is time for beef stroganoff
Poem Details | by
Carol Sunshine Brown |
Categories:
children, funny, holiday, uplifting,
Easter bunny race
Fell as he could not keep pace
Muddy bunny face
Poem Details | by
Patricia Sawyer |
Categories:
animals, funny, holiday, imagination, easter,
Do the Easter Hop
Basket filled with Sweet Joy
Candy and A Toy
Poem Details | by
Dan Keir |
Categories:
adventure, angel, beautiful, business, childhood, death, education, fantasy, farewell, freedom, friendship, funeral, funny, growing up, happiness, happy, health, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, inspirational, nostalgia, on writing and words, parody, passion, patriotic, peace, people, philosophy, slam, social, song, sorrow, sorry, spiritual, time, woman,
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Thatcher’s dead.
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Thatcher’s dead.
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Thatcher’s dead.
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Thatcher’s dead.
Poem Details | by
Gail Debole |
Categories:
funny, holiday, thanksgiving,
Written by Gail DeBole
When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"
Note: Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of each November in the United States. President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this as an official holiday in 1863.
Poem Details | by
Isaiah Zerbst |
Categories:
holiday, humor, humorous, ireland, irony,
I lost my old bucket so sadly,
And felt oh so terribly badly;
Then lo and behold
A pot full of gold!
I'd lose me another and gladly.