Humorous and funny Grandma poems and/or funny poems about Grandma. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Grandma funny poems!
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade, fun, grandmother, humorous,
Grandma Does Not Play
Pirate Johnny Betty Boobie Bird was in a
throat-cutting, slashing,
bashing, crashing, gnashing mood.
So he stood in front of a mirror,
Making the most swishy sword
movements he could make, with his
Excaliber sword, swearing up his pirate swears.
His mother heard him, rolled his eyes and laughed.
His father smiled, and his grandma went to the bathroom.
Within minutes, Pirate Johnny Betty Boobie Bird and his parents
were all three sitting with a bar of soap in their mouths.
Grandma did not play.
And she did not think
They were being good parents.
Written by
Jennifer Proxenos
Categories:
humorous,
Greek Great Grandma
GREEK GREAT GRANDMA
My great grandma was Greek,
And married an alien freak,
She was renowned for her cooking,
And enjoyed people looking,
But she was the first one to peek!
Great grandma divorced the alien freak,
And married a local Greek,
They had two pairs of twins,
As their story begins,
And were caught kissing on each cheek!
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humor,
Our Grandma Rides in on a Harley
We were waiting for Grandma, thought she would bring an Uber
Knowing Gram, said Jack, she might come down the stream in a tube-r.
We were watching to the east, but she came flying in on the right.
Riding her new Harley, which somehow felt just right.
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
humanity, humorous, language,
I Lost My Spelling and Grandma Checker
I lost my spelling and grandma checker
I am an idea roving iround inside on me heade
The lanquagees of today our so misread
why if y go back some yeers in the hundrads
the language was all different , aint that a bummer?
All the errors of times leng ago
the all surmounted to the rooles of now for shoow
we evlove wes do, of this I am sore
I love words even from distance shores
grandma would shoot me, make their be it kno doubt
Dis poem was written by a grammerless lout
Note: Posted a Blog on the same topic!!!
Written by
Janice Canerdy
Categories:
age, grandparents, humor,
Grandma and Grandpa Did What
There was an old geezer from Pippin
who wanted to go skinny dippin'.
He gave his wife whisky;
they got bare and and frisky.
Then into the pond both went slippin'.
April 9, 2018, entered in Viv Wigley's Traditional Limerick Contest
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
children, funny,
My Unusual Grandma
Grandma rode a pig one day,
Cause her horse had gone lame,
She rode it down the main street,
Horace was quite tame.
She had a rope around his neck,
Grandma pulled him to a stop,
With bonnet on and hessian bags
She went into the shop.
Groceries bought, she returned
And placed them on the pig,
As Grandma rode past a gawking crowd
Some locals did a jig.
Her horse soon got better,
It was the only piggy trip she made,
But now each year on that day
They hold a lady's pig parade.
Ladies with their bonnets
Sit astride a local swine,
Grandma judges best on street,
I hope she chooses mine.
Written by
Twig Clark
Categories:
childhood, family, funny, grandmother, hilarious, nostalgia, silly,
Grandma
Please don't kiss Grandma
With your wrinkled worn out skin
Your breath like stinking ashtrays
With an undertone of gin.
I really love you Grandma,
But when it's time to leave
You always try to kiss me
And it really makes me heave
Written by
Jack Ellison
Categories:
funny,
Let's Eat Grandma
Let's eat Grandma... OR let's eat, Grandma
Punctuation saves lives because of a comma
So very small
But stands so tall
The difference of life and death for Mom's Momma
Written by
Jennifer Fenn
Categories:
grandmother, humor,
Grandma Tutu and Her Gun
When Grandma Tutu said she owned a gun,
my mother freaked! She gasped! How she was stunned!
She wanted Tutu to throw it away,
but then forgot. The gun was there to stay.
We never knew where Tutu had it hid,
not even when she moved and she got rid
of lots of stuff. But in the nursing home
where Tutu died, my mom went through each tome,
and trinket, and shirt. She thought she was done,
but opened a drawer. There was the gun!
My mom’s dropped jaw I wish I could have seen.
The gun was thrown in River San Joaquin!
5-9-21
Contest: Guns
Sponsor: Anthony Biaanco
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
funny, imagination, life,
Grandma Shopping
Discount strip mall far away
One store in mind to search yea
A shoe store that has real styles
Get lost there awhile
Up and down rows more rows_shoes
Danity, fancy, delicate_choose
One catches eye_stilettoes
Try maybe safely
One pair with those high high heels
Sit down slip one on sit still
Lovely shoes beauty to see
Stand up fall on knees
Dodoitsu is suppose to be either about love or humorous
I hope this one gives you a chuckle...
Had written for Linda-Marie's contest
but realized I had left the most important part out..
Written by
Dalila Agtani
Categories:
funny, funny,
Grandma Dalila
She is a funny fella, Grandma Dalila
Played the sports kinect with a drink tequila
Now posted in U-tube, has now 1089 hits
Bet how funny she felt playing this!
Written by
Sidney Beck
Categories:
funny,
No Grandma, They'Re Not Dancing
NO GRANDMA, THEY’RE NOT DANCING
Put your left one in
And don’t take it out -
In out, in out, shake it till you shout:
That’s what it’s all about.
“No, not the hokey-cokey, No, not. . . . ”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Written for, and entered in, Natalie Flikkema’s Contest “Burlesque Twist”
Written by
Izintombi Zamambo
Categories:
adventure, funny, grandmother,
Watch Out For Grandma
as if she knew kids were not around,
she got up the board, without a sound.
statuesque, she surfs with ease,
self-taught hun, she aims to please,
her younger self, would've won a crowd.
14 July 2022
Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Lisa YY
99779 syllable count
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
grandmother, humorous,
Grandma Francie Packed My Lunch
Grandma Francie had been a preschool teacher too long
She packed me a lunch one time when I was in sixth grade.
What are those? My tablemates asked as I rolled them out.
They were tiny bugs made out of apples, celery, dates and raisins.
I was humiliated and horrified. It was a lunch a three-year-old would love.
“Can I have one?”
I ended up giving them all away.
They wanted to know if grandma would sell them some.
Catastrophe avoided.
Written by
Tahera Mannan
Categories:
funny
Doctor Grandma
The ginger root
My grandma hung
Hung in the kitchen
For everyone to see
A headache or a tummy ache
If anyone would suffer
The ginger root
Was brought down
For ailments simple and severe
A strong tea for the headache
A weak one for the stomach
A gargle for the toothache
A pouch for minor burns
Though most of the times you know
The thought of drinking
The insipid liquid
Would make all well
Written by
Elton Camp
Categories:
humor,
Grandma Finds Some Tea
Grandma Finds Some Tea
By Elton Camp
Granny had her neighbor in for tea
Soon, both felt as good as can be
Because the neighbor felt so high,
She said, “This type tea I want to buy.”
“To tell you, I wouldn’t mind it,
But I don’t know where to find it.”
“I am forced to admit, confound it
In my grandson’s room I found it.”
“Under a stack of his socks it lay.
I am sure he’ll say that it’s okay.”
“I most certainly have to agree.
It’s the best tea I ever did see.”
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
animal, cat, child abuse, childhood, cry, grandmother, humor,
What Grandma Said
"Don't you cuss at your ol' gramma! C'mere!
I'm gonna wash your mouth out with catsh*t!"
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
Catching Grandma In Her Undies
Some weird loud song from the sixties blasted
As we entered grandma’s farmhouse
She was not expecting us, but we knew she would be pleased
We wanted to show her that we could drive now.
My twin suggested grandma might be in the living room
She was not there, but the music was a bit louder
We opened the door to her bedroom
She was dancing in her underwear
We promptly shut the door
And knocked, too late to un-see what was already seen
Can you believe she has matching bra and panties?
We giggled all the way home that day
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
Our Grandma Nell
Her toenails are as thick as a tortoise shell
She does not hesitate to tell
Potentials suitors to go to h…..
She has not been to charm school, says Cousin Kell
Tough old bird with opinions most would never tell
can perplex and stuplify with one old world spell
we are fascinated yet terrified by our grandma Nell
She calls us to supper with a possessed dinner bell
Written by
Panagiota Romios
Categories:
grandmother, health, humorous,
A Wise Grandma
My Wise Granny
She needs surgery
Not with virus in progress
May be gone forthwith
Her one cataract doth stay
To a hospital, no chance
Wherein much viruses dance
July 6, 2020
2:30pm PST
Edited. Was originally marked Senryu, is a rhyme. Panagiota
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
How Was School Back in the Day Grandma
how was school for you back in the day, Grandma?
Well, I could barely read my own writing
The wagon wheels hit every single bump along the Oregon trail.
Why didn’t you ride in a car or a truck? He asked me.
All we had were covered wagons back then.
We had to throw out granny’s organ though; it weighed too much.
Couldn’t get over the mountains with it.
What mountains?
The Missouri Mountains.
I didn’t know there were any Missouri Mountains!
Not any more, I told him, the giant alligators ate them.
My daughter is running her finger around her ear.
But he does not notice.
At age seven, he still loves my stories.
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous,
I Did Not Know Grandma Had a Dark Side
Grandma is wearing a sweatshirt featuring Darth Vader.
It says, “This is my Dark Side.”
I did not know grandma had a dark side, one of her grandchildren said.
Grandpa burst out laughing.
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
grandmother, humorous,
Grandma Fee Is In Town
I sent her to the salon with her Grandma Fee.
Because they had both bothered and begged me.
How could it hurt? I wondered aloud to my man.
He laughed his guts out as only this idiot can.
She came home sporting a red spider head.
My husband laughed so hard, his face turned all red.
Grandma Fee said “she wanted it this way.”
My daughter skipped happily to school the next day.
All of the other kids wanted their hair done this way too.
My sister said “You should have known this, Little Boo.
Every time my Grandma Fee comes to town,
She turns our world delightfully upside down!
Written by
Panagiota Romios
Categories:
grandmother, humor,
Sizzling Grandma
BEWARE
She purchased a new car!
Red hot!
As all get out!
Went inside her house,
Donned her short skirt and scared a mouse.
Then, the piece de resistance,
Those thigh high, white boots.
Grandma, definitely back in town, toots!!
5/9/2019
8:15pm PST
Written by
Sara Kendrick
Categories:
funny
Old Grandma
There was an old grandma
Who didn't live in a shoe
She did have children
But did know what to do
She put them to work
She played in their stead
Life was so lovely
It went to her head