Humorous and funny Girlfriend poems and/or funny poems about Girlfriend. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Girlfriend funny poems!
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness
Viagra Falls
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Written by
Laura Hannan
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love, parody, passion, teen
A Brutally Honest Valentine's
My darling enigma, my dove
You’re the epitome of my love
Your smile shines at me pearly white
Pale skin shines and glints in the light
Silken locks, obsidian flow
Eyes just like ice, crystalline glow
Peals of laughter ring like a bell
Enchant me; I’m under your spell
You walk with a musical flow
Tiptoeing with softness through snow
But, alas, you open your mouth
Utter tripe spilling out
If only you’d keep your mouth shut.
(Love from Anonymous)
Written by
Flippant She-Creature
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, lost love, love
Shall I Compare Thee To Your Mother's ****
Shall I compare thee to your mother's ****?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent
Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every foul from fowl; my stomach churns,
By reason, or by nature's raging closed.
But thy infernal diet shall ne’er start
Nor gain possession of which now I grasp;
Nor shall we meet again; let’s stay apart,
When in eternal sounds the voice does rasp,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can cry,
So long lives this, and I bid thee goodbye.
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
beauty, cute love, grave, humor, obituary,
I Found a Girlfriend
Took me the breath of all my life
A soul mate who could consume my heart wither a smile
I found that Gothic girl after dark
A little to late to consummate
I lie in waiting with a dead round smile
Empty eyes and a lot of guile
I found a girlfriend even if late
We lie together
Frigid is our state
Written by
Tasha Taylor
Categories:
boyfriend, funny love, girlfriend, psychological, relationship,
Schizophrenia
"Doctor!
Doctor!
How is he?"
"Quite terrible, Miss.
He will not survive the night,
Probably not even the hour."
"What does he have?
Terminal cancer?
Pneumonia?
Cardiac Arrest?"
"No.
It is worse then all of those.
Even combined."
"Oh no!
Can I see him?
"I imagine you can, Miss.
But that's the problem.
I'm afraid I can't treat him
Since I can't--"
"Doctor! Please tell me.
I love him.
He's my boyfriend.
We have no secrets."
"Then you may wanna sit down.
Miss, I am sorry to inform you,
Your boyfriend is ailed with
A severe case of nonexistence."
Written by
Virginia Mitchell
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend
Oh! Dear Gawd!
Mom looks through windows
A watched pot will never boil
A daughter's courtship
Contest; "Redneck Psalms, Improve Human Foible"
Sponsored by: John Freeman
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
angst, confusion, depression, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, introspection
Shameful Morning
not sure how she got here
only know she needs to leave
underneath the stranger
my arm numb; asleep,
mouth a desert.
a hundred dead cigarettes dance my tongue dry
princess of night
exposed by light.
get me out of this;
another dreaded morning mess.
bed broken
along with my will.
I swore never again;
the lie is half the thrill.
~JSLambert
Written by
Fisayo Aderounmu
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love, passion, romance,
Kiss
Kiss saves and kills
Drop by drop KISS increases
To form an ocean of EMOTION
EMOTION in love billows
Around many pillows
With PASSION it is POWERED
You lose control over your EMOTION
Your EMOTION now sets you in MOTION
To the journey of no return.
You may ask, What is bad in it?
The bad IN it is at the END of it!
Written by
Ph.D Volo Von Wolfenstein
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, lovelove,
Polynonsensicalamorous
I'm polynonsensicalamorous;
For me,
Romance is calamitous,
I woo and charm,
And raise some alarm,
When I try to arouse,
... By flexing my arm!
Some days its almost ridiculous,
Whatever I do,
It's frivolous!
So I dress to impress,
But I'm always despairing,
When I walk through the door,
I hear: "What are you wearing?"
They told me love was fabulous,
If you want the truth:
It's strenuous!
When I try to hit,
I always miss,
That hug I got,
...Should've been a kiss!
But if all is fair in love and war,
I should keep trying until I score,
And maybe one day I will cease to fuss,
If only I wasn't...
Polynonsensicalamorous.
Written by
Mike Hauser
Categories:
heartbreak, humor, jealousy,
Charles Bukowski Ate My Girlfriend
Charles Bukowski ate my girlfriend
He started with her head
Fiddled with her like finger food
Putty in his hands
Charles Bukowski took my girlfriend
Slapped her hard upside the face
Now she likes it dirty
So this poets been replaced
I'd like to say so long Charlie
As far as I'm concerned
You can hit the literary highway
Never to return
Charles Bukowski took my girlfriend
And showed her a good time
As I'm watching from the shallow end
Of my kiddie pool of simple rhyme
Charles Bukowski ate my girlfriend
Chewed her up then spit her out
Now that good for nothing Charlie
Is all she talks about
Written by
Pepper Jones
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, dance, dance,
Viagra
I got up at six this morning
Feeling kind of weak
I had a shave and showered
As I walked my bones would creak
I have very bad arthritis
But I can kill the pain
I just have to take Viagra
Then go back to bed again
My girl is exasperated
Found out six months ago
A Viagra in the morning
Will keep me on the go
I cuddled next to her
":Lets dance they're playing our song"
Sleepy eyed she lay there
Snoring all along
Next morning I woke up
A note said she was gone
"Next time you hear your music
You must dance it all alone"
Written by
... Gigno
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, loveme,
Thirsty Clutch
I wanted something bubbly
Coke with ice cream trick
That fridge, again, empty
So I made my trip to Kwik
Swerving around this town in my horses
Parking up by the front door
No training could have prepared me for
What waited inside the store
Standing with her 2-liter of Diet 7-Up
If I just died, keep me here on heaven
I asked above not be taken so abruptly
Feeling luckier than sevens or elevens
Now she says that this place
Is wherever we stand here
Desiring her within my space
Needing her crystal clear
That gentleness of her touch
As we let go while giving in
When love has got its clutch
In times we are skin to skin
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
emotions, fun, funny, girlfriend, hilarious, humor
Apricot Skin Apricot Dress
Apricot skin
Apricot face
Apricot hands
Apricot knees
Apricot apricots
Apricot cat
Apricot paint
Apricot baby's bottom
In my world I always think
Of a pricey apricot dress
My husband's pal paid way too much for it
Wanting to impress a girl who modeled it at a table for us.
Wanting to show off that he had three hundred dollars,
He gave them three hundred dollars for that dress
To surprise his girlfriend, Kathy.
Kathy was surprised.
She would have never chosen this dress.
It was so expensive, he pouted until she wore it to
Every dinner, supper, lunch, and finally to play racquetball in.
Apricot always reminds me of poor Kathy and her irritation.
Written by
Damian Keady
Categories:
destiny, friendship, girl, girlfriend, humorous, life
The Girl
The Girl...
The girl you met
And fell in love with
Is not the one
You will end up with
If at all!
As once her mask
Has fallen away
Her true persona
Will hold sway
And then you realise
You were fooled!
For better or worse
Richer or poorer
The girl for you
Might just live
Around the corner
And is a friend
DAMO
Written by
Damian Keady
Categories:
fun, funny, girlfriend, wife,
Do You
Do you take this strife
No not without a wife
Do you take this wife
No not if she gives me strife
Do you take this life
Only with my own wife
To give to me all the strife
To maybe live a better life
But first of all I need a wife
DAMO x
Written by
Jean Murray
Categories:
dog, girlfriend, humorous,
Farting Farmer
There once was a farmer called Seamus,
who had an incompetant anus.
When out on a date with girlfriend Kate,
he blamed his dog when he farted,
to prevent her being startled.
Written by
Poet Destroyer A
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, love,
Bed Bug Bites
BED BUGS BITES
It's time to fix the mattress
fluffy pillows and blankets,
enough room for just one more.
BITE ME' if you can!
Swat after, swat, after swat!
Red itchy skin, what the h3ll!
The open breeze feels real good,
crawling too bite NATE!
BY; PD
________________________________________
NOTE~ I've never been bitten by these insects,
I just love the way my mother would always say...
"Don't let the bed bugs bite!"
Contest: "Bite me!"
**I bite Nathan, who'll probably will love it ;-)**...LOL...
Written by
Osita Azike
Categories:
friendship, funny love, girl, girlfriend, love, love hurts
Just Friends
Yeah I know it feels weird
But it's too beautiful to be bad
Now it's scary cos it might be a masquerade
If we happen to be more than what we are
Now that's cos we have become more than I can describe
No one understands when I sing all that jazz
It's already more than the music for mature minds
They go with the sarcastic reply "Just friends, yeah right"
And then I am lost in my definition
A new synonym is added in its oxymoron
She has become my doubted confidante
But only to the minds who refuse to see
If am gonna kick that bucket, it's definitely not your water in it
Written by
Heather Hill
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, sad, song-sympathy, teen
The Break Up- Footle Contest
Cold stares
heart tares
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
funny, giggle, girlfriend, humor, humorous,
Std
If you want my ex girlfriend, she's up for grabs.
But if you sleep with her, you will get the Crabs.
It's possible that you may get Herpes too.
Sleeping with her is a stupid thing to do.
I caught her in bed with my cousin and I thumped her.
She sleeps with a lot of men, that's why I dumped her.
I'm giving you valuable advice so you'd better listen to me.
If you seduce my ex girlfriend, you are sure to get an STD.
(This is a fictional poem)
Written by
Cecilia Macfarlane
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, body, girl,
Birds -N- Bees
Your raging hormones you must ignore
For desires will shake you to your core
Listen to your heart
Before you embark
Make love with someone you truly adore.
Sciences class teaches us what we should know
About body parts and where they should go
Willie goes in ****
Quicken breaths we huff
All consumed till body fluids flow.
But alas the girl did not have none
Boy finished before girl was done
He is satisfied
She is horrified
Damn the hype about two joining as one.
Written by
Charlie Murder
Categories:
business, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, romance, slam, war
Im Just Gonna Snap Okay Get Over It
i dont care who you are
or what you think of me
build me up and break me down
then take your "stuff"* and flee
i hate you
you know it too
so bring it to my plate
take a point and hold my ground
to not spew all my hate
you were so nice in the beginning
well, what the "heck"* are you now?
gone, love, thats what you are
a filthy ugly cow
i am still the nice guy
lord, you have said so much worse
and still im here, i still get by
a blessing, not a curse.
i didnt snap hard enough to say what i meant
Written by
Richard Breese
Categories:
allusion, cute love, funny love, giggle, girlfriend, humor
marsha mallow
my girlfriends name is marsha mallow
and i am quite a lucky fellow
but dear reader dont be hasty
its not cause her lips are tasty
for shes the orchestras third cello.
Written by
Jimmy Anderson
Categories:
funny, girlfriend-boyfriend
Emmmmm Good
The spring in my pants was so dandy.
She wanted to suck it like candy.
When she closed her eyes.
I gave my surprise.
Never saw a girl quite that handy!
For Francine Roberts "Wow me in 5 lines" contest
Written by
Tom Arnone
Categories:
animal, cute love, feelings, funny, girlfriend, love
Fish Butt
Basking on the sun-lit ice.
Walrus mumble filled with hype.
Today I haven't a thing to do
(that's nice)
But fish, butt-wipe, butt you.