Funny Funny Poems - Funny Poems for Life

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Humorous and funny Funny poems and/or funny poems about Funny. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Funny funny poems!

Written by Poet Destroyer A
Categories: adventure, animal, beautiful, blessing, celebrity, funny, life,

The Squirrel

~My Nutty Squirrel Poem~

Up in a tree, on a branch
Now you see me, now you don't!

Sneaky and fast, I'm adorable
Now, why would you hunt or shot me for fun?
Do you like, how fast I run?
I'm not just another chipmunk 
Stuffing my face with nuts,
I'm classy and beautiful, 
The  best  part  of   nature.....

Red pointed ears, I hear you drawing near.
Chuckle, chuckle, caffeine free
I saw you looking at my fine coat.
Fluffy and curious, touch me and I'm Calling PETA!
See YA---  Life Is Beautiful!!!
I'm stuffing these nuts back into my mouth 
and Jumping onto another tree :) The End
........
Love The Squirrel from another World.  
Love LINDA

Written by Skat A
Categories: abuse, funny, husband, me,

Black and Blue

BLACK and BLUE

Today I wonder, 
Wonder why?
You hit me in the eye, 
you made me cry.

My eyes are brown,
Now they're black and blue.
Is that what I get for loving you?

My lips are pink, now they're bloody red.
Is that what I get!!!
Do you wish I were dead?

My teeth are white, 
I just lost three, 
Is that what I get over a little fight? 
 
I see a smile underneath,
I see you leaving with the police.
I finally got rid of you.
I can't believe I waited, 
UNTIL I WAS BLACK AND BLUE.
        
 SK

NOTE: True story, I finally did the right thing and called the cops

Written by Daniel Turner
Categories: funny love,

If I Were the One For Nicola

If only I could make my way to Paris
To search the boulevards and rainy rues
I'd look to find my lonely heart an heiress
An Irish lass vacationing her muse

We'd find a quiet cafe' on the Seine
Where we could sit and share a laugh or two
By candlelight we'd toast with French champagne
Pretend that we were on our honeymoon

But how could I convince her I'm the one
To make all of her fantasies come true
She knows there's more to life than having fun
In Paris hearts get easily confused

I'd get down on one knee under the stars
Give her the paper ring off my cigar



   an original poem by Daniel Turner

Written by Daniel Turner
Categories: funny, love, sad,

How Long

I've never kissed a pig with my eyes closed
Nor have I ever held a hand of time
However, there was once when I proposed
But that was back when I was in my prime

I still recall how much she loved to dance
She'd laugh at me and make my face turn red
She taught me all the secrets of romance
That love was what one did, not what one said

I search the shadows for her purple hue
I take her mem'ry everywhere I go
Its smile has it's own special shade of blue
Its  taste so sweet no one could ever know

They tell me only time mends broken hearts
I wonder just how long before it starts.



   by Daniel Turner

Written by Tom Cunningham
Categories: funny, humor,

Chainsaw Blues - Bawdy Limerick Lol

There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood 
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess 
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .  
                         ~
He went to bed one night full of desire
Sue his wife put on her sexy attire 
Things got steamy and hot 
He gave it all he got  
But with passion and friction it caught fire . 




Written 5th March 2019.

For make me actually LOL 2 poetry contest 

Sponsored by Nina Parmenter.

Written by Maureen McGreavy The Insolent Rib
Categories: funny love, woman,

Disarming Disarray

Out there
With her flair for chasing inspiration 
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations

Tripping

She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide

And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is

Out there exists





Date: 11.19.2019

Contest Name: Disarray

Sponsor: Nina Parmenter

Written by Linda Alice Fowler
Categories: age, beauty, funny, hair, old, silly, silver,

No Blue Hair

No blue hair or curls for me.
I’ll grow old naturally.
Hanging breasts and flattened bum,
crooked teeth and graying gum.
Sagging knees and chicken skin,
sunny spots and double chin.
Silver streaks through thinning hair,
dimming eyesight no repair.
Crinkly crow’s eyes and flat feet
singing as the Maker I meet.
I don’t care what you say,
I can’t hear you anyway.

Written by Paul Callus
Categories: death, funny,

Sidney Snoozer

Here lies Sidney Snoozer, a lover of sleep, 

His last nap eternal – relaxed, six foot deep. 




For Epitaph Contest 2
Hosted by Jesse Rowe

© 15th April 2019

Written by David Fisher
Categories: animal, farm, funny,

Rear View Air

As soon as we got to the county fair
The country odor got through my nose hair
Coz above some milk pails
We encountered cow tails
Which filled our senses with their dairy-air

Written by Eric Nolan
Categories: funny, happiness, life, satire, upliftingme, me,

My Butt Crack

My butt crack 
Is quite a split 
It supports the rest of me 
when I sit 
you thought I was gonna say something else didn't you ?

My butt crack 
Is a marvel to behold 
It was cute when I was young 
but now offensive since I'm old 

My butt crack 
Is pretty darn straight 
can you imagine if it was crooked 
pretty weird sight I would rate 

My butt crack 
Is funny to me 
when I bend over in my jeans 
It peeks out 
for you to see 

My butt crack 
wanted me to write this today 
for no other reason 
then just to say......................

I gotta split 


LOL 

Eric (and sometimes not)

Written by Rudolph Rinaldi
Categories: age, funny, nature, society, technology, youth,

Fall

Fall and
red yellowing 
leaves in the trees

an old man sitting 
on a bench
watches them 
fall
and thinks of his youth

a youth 
sitting on a bench
looking into his iPhone
simulates the falling 
red yellowing leaves
and googles 
the future 
of trees

Written by Judith Angell Meyer
Categories: funny, imagination, song-

His Funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."

Written by Tim Ryerson
Categories: funny, science,

Big Bang

Your theory makes quite the impression
But I have this nagging obsession
A huge mass of matter
Explodes in a scatter
This is a layman's 'dumb' question

From whence came this gigantic ball?
Just how did the whole thing befall?
What was there before that?
And before even that?
And so on and so forth, et.al

Blank space, only vacuum you say?
Endless void? Flat nothing? Okay
Is nothing just nothing,
Or ain't nothing something
And what made the nothing I pray?

Written by Ralph Taylor
Categories: funny

Gimme a Brake

A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
        It didn't take long
        to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!

Written by Team Poetrysoup
Categories: funny, political,

Trumpty Dumpty

Trumpty Dumpty built a great wall,
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the Trump's horses and all the Trump's men
Couldn't put the U.S. together again.

Written by Merv Webster
Categories: funny, me, , memorial,

Bert's Will

"A cappuccino would be nice 
And thank you Anne dear friend. 
Since Bert has died I've felt quite lost, 
But time has helped things mend." 
 
"I guess what hurt the most dear Anne 
Was finding in Bert's will; 
To me he never left a thing; 
A truly bitter pill." 
 
"He never left you anything! 
I thought Bert more sincere, 
But is that diamond ring not new 
You're wearing sister dear?" 
 
"Well let me put it this way Anne. 
Bert's will did leave a bit; 
Five grand for a memorial stone 
And this dear Anne ... is it."

Written by Arthur Vaso
Categories: art, dark, evil, funny, humorous, internet,

Modern Poetry

Skip ad
poem will resume very soon
wait
pause
turn off ad block
and
ad blocker
get dressed
is not that kind of poem
vote
please favorite me
I am flavor to be
like me
love me
photoshop me
pause for second ad
add ads, subtract ads
multiply wine ads
get more wine
is a long damn add
ok
bought the Mercedes
make love
to words
iPassion
is in
snap snap and chat
latex friendships
hollywood dreams
with amex
I never leave home
there she rests
in the trunk
blood mixed
with that new car smell
everything is modern these days
even my jail cell

Written by Shani Fassbender
Categories: funny

Dust

Dust
airborne
can settle
everywhere
It lands on tables and under your bed
It also clings to your computer screen
on clothes it goes
and of course
up your
nose

Pets 
people
in your food
not in the mood
In the air, everywhere, I don’t care
You can have it mop, cloth, feather duster
I don’t want it
here or there
not one
bit

So 
go clean
all over
dust if you must
Scratch me a note of “clean me” on my shelf
If I dust today it will just come back
everywhere
it settles
in my
home

Written by Andrea Dietrich
Categories: funny,

It's All In How You Ask It

A Vague Question

Bleary 
Query

A Dull Question

Dreary 
Query

A Positive Question

Cheery
Query

A Tired Question

Weary
Query

A Doubtful Question

Leery 
Query

A Strange Question

Eerie
Query

A Sad Question

Teary
Query

A Question for Hubbie

Dearie
Query

Written by Jesse Rowe
Categories: bird, food, funny,

Fatso

They said how she ate was absurd;
A "Fatso", they called her she heard,
And ever since then
That poor, baby wren
Just pecked at her food like a bird.

8.31.18
Contest: Any Animal or Creature Limerick

Written by Vince Suzadail Jr.
Categories: confusion, funny,

Things I Don'T Understand

There are things I don't understand
And would really like to know
Such as why they call it rush hour
And you move so freakin' slow

How come you get a learner's permit 
To get a license to drive a car
But they don't give one for a marriage license
Now I think that's going too far

Why do they put deer crossing signs up 
Do you believe there is really any need
In all my years of driving
I've never met a single deer who can read

I was reading a map in the park
And it definitely astonished me so
It had a red X that said you are here
And I was wondering how they know.

Written by John Patrick Robbins Aka Gonzo
Categories: funny

What I Think

Honey it's probaly not best befor I have
a drink.
To look deep in my eyes and ask what 
I think.

Cause Im  far from a romantic and
your far from a thinker.
Short skirt nice legs.
Your a go go dancer  and I just another drinker.

After a few glasses I'll savor  that last drop. 
I'll lose my mind.
And hopefully you'll lose your top.  

have a private party for only two.
well shed more than ambition.
 As i drink outta your shoe.


I'll empty your liquor cabbinet  and you'll keep
my wallet shrinkin.
My dear it dont take a rocket scientist to
figure out what Im thinkin.