Humorous and funny French poems and/or funny poems about French. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious French funny poems!
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
conflict, french, history, humorous, mystery, poetry, world,
Waterloo Clerihew 23-Skidoo
Waterloo Clerihew 23-Skidoo
Napoleon Bonaparte
1769 Corsica is where he got his start
One of the greatest commanders in history
His manner of death a 200-year-old mystery
Napoleon played it close to the vest
With his armies he was always the best
But 'twas nothing he could do
When he met his Waterloo
Lived his last few years under house arrest
Napoleon drank the water and headed for the loo
He did nothing different than you or I could ever do
Be kind to your skin and protect your bone-a-parts
Remember that's where good hygiene starts!
Written by
Ed Morris
Categories:
french, funny, humor, humorous,
An American In Paris
When Toby removed to Paree
The people all called him Tobee.
“That’s not me,” he’d plead,
Then finally concede
To be, not to be not, Tobee.
Written by
Timothy Hicks
Categories:
french, funny, humorous, international, irony, poetry, writing,
Cornelius Writes a Poem
Cornelius was a linguist, not a poet -
though his ego was much too large to know it.
After penning a traditional Japanese tanka,
regarding the policies of la casa blanca,
he realized his multicultural poetry - though raw
in meter and message - lacked a certain je ne sais quoi.
Inspired by the writings of our own Maurice Rigoler
*la casa blanca = the white house
*je ne sais quoi = a quality that cannot be named easily.
Written by
David Brooks
Categories:
celebration, holiday, humor, cinco de mayo,
Happy French Defeated Day
He raised his glass, then sipped his beer.
Gringos all then raised a cheer!
"To Mexico!" Hear them cry, "Oh!"
"Today is good old Cinco de Mayo!"
"To freedom for old Mexico!"
Their 4th of July so we've been told.
"The day they earned their independence."
"The day they won for their descendents!"
"Señor, I think your book has cracks.
I think you need to check your facts.
Our independence is in the Fall.
About us, you seem to have built a wall."
"Buenos dias, señor" he would say.
"And happy Battle of Puebla Day."
Oh my, who could ever tell?
"Happy Cinco de Mayo to you as well!"
Written by
Quentin Ehlinger
Categories:
humorous,
Girl In the French Quarter
Dere once was a goil in da Quawta
Who never did do what she oughtta.
She stripped down one night
--Dat was really a sight--
Till NOPD come and caughtta!
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
conflict, french, humorous, nature, poetry,
Oui Oui No No
Public urinals conceived
Paris residents peeved
Written by
James Tate
Categories:
funny
The French General
His guard couldn’t help snitchin’
When he washed grenades in his kitchen.
This general had a hazardous heart,
His name: Linoleum Blownapart.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous,
I Wish I Had Learned To Speak French - That's Life
She was caught short in France one day
I need the toilet was all she could say
She wished she could speak French
The best she could manage was…
C’est lavvy! ...
That’s Life!
10~27~14
Contest: C’est La vie
Sponsor: Judy Konos
~awarded 2nd place ~
Written by
Victoria Anderson-Throop
Categories:
funny, growing up, introspection, nature, philosophy, son, teen,
Sexy French Girls Encounter An American 15yr Old Boy
FRENCH GIRLS
in the eyes of an
innocent
15 yr American old boy
My son
Sweet naive
Raised in China
Where MTV and YOUTUBE are banned
Where no girl kisses
Until her university days end.
Raised in China
Where knees are covered--
Lips are sealed--
Where boys
Only dream
Of the wonders of Red sex.
My son
Said he loved Paris
For the Eiffel
For the Louvre
For the Seine
For the wine.
But I knew
He loved Paris
For the
Blackest panties
Barely hiding
Knowing smiles
Of
Short tight skirts.
Written by
Mark Toney
Categories:
film, french, friendship, girl, humor, music, romantic,
Oscar-Ku 31 -Gigi
bon vivant Gaston
precocious carefree Gigi. . .
courtesan or wife
Copyright © 2018 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.
Published 2018 in "Hollywood Haiku" via wattpad.com
Written by
Daniel Mcgraw
Categories:
funnyyellow,
A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To French Woods
(Jingle Bells Tune)
Dashing through the trees
With squashed bugs on my knees
I cannot wait to go
To the bathroom in the snow
So many stupid kids
Ignore their great parents
And do what they were told not to do
Which was eat the yellow snow.
Ding ding dong.
Ding ding dong.
Running to French Woods.
Catch some air
Change your underwear
We got a way to go-ho
Plat plat plee
Plat plat plee
Welcome to French Woods
Catch a breeze
And would you please
Stop eating the yellow snow.
Written by
Mike Hauser
Categories:
french, humor,
Woke Up French
I woke up this morning
Sporting a Beret
Speaking in a French accent
Parlez-vous francais?
With a scarf around my neck
A pencil thin moustache
Afraid I might have woke up French
A slight giggle to my laugh
With a strong urge for fresh Baguette's
I head to the grocery
I told my cat that I'd be back
He looked at me... Cest la vie
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
drink, french, humor, magic, science, word play,
Milk
If milk could kill
We would all be dead
But Luis Pasteur
Hit the nail on the head:
"Witchcraft may kill
By subtle disguise
But I have the cure:
Its just passed your eyes!"
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
french, funny, sexy,
Rock On
A Welsh Girl who loved Rock 'N Roll
Had little or no self-control
She flew off to France
Where she split her pants
Astraddle Le Grand Merhin Dol
Written by
Alfred Berggren
Categories:
humorous,
New Shoes - a French Pantoum
I got new shoes and style they don't lack.
But they fit oh so tight
and I think I should take them back.
My brother says they fit just right.
But they fit oh so tight
and I think they'll make a blister.
My brother says they fit just right.
He's just mean and doesn't like his little sister.
And I think they'll make a blister
when I walk to school today.
He's just mean and doesn't like his little sister
You'll see, later I'll make old smarty pay.
When I walk to school today,
I got new shoes and style they don't lack.
You'll see, later I'll make old smarty pay,
and I think I should take them back.
Author's Notes:
Written by
Alfred Berggren
Categories:
humor,
New Shoes - a French Pantoum
I got new shoes and style they don't lack.
But they fit oh so tight
and I think I should take them back.
My brother says they fit just right.
But they fit oh so tight
and I think they'll make a blister.
My brother says they fit just right.
He's just mean and doesn't like his little sister.
And I think they'll make a blister
when I walk to school today.
He's just mean and doesn't like his little sister
You'll see, later I'll make old smarty pay.
When I walk to school today,
I got new shoes and style they don't lack.
You'll see, later I'll make old smarty pay,
and I think I should take them back.
Written by
Allan Terry
Categories:
animal, autumn, character, encouraging, film, french, hilarious,
Sum Thang
"IT N' EST
PAS SAGE DE
BOO LE FAUORIL !
LE QUAH,
LE QUAH
LE QUAH !
HI BOU, HI BOU,
IGNORE-LE !
LE MOO !
LE MOO !
IGNORE , LA
TRANE !"
SUM THANG BIN EATIN OUR
COWS AGAIN!
VAISSEAU SPATIAL !
VAISSEAU SPATIAL !
REGARDEZ DANS LE CIEL !
LE QUAH !
LE QUAH !
I AM LE TRANE !
Written by
Vermillion Scythe
Categories:
funny, humor, humorous,
Chimpanzees and French Toast Sticks
The screams of a chimp
reminds me of French toast sticks
it's mysterious
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
art, french, fun, funny, hilarious, humorous,
The Stars
The ***** burns bright **** set afire
A *** the universe is **** and ***** holes
****** from beyond
In the ***** of the abscess
we *** all within **** minds
ah *** ** *** *** *** ****** **** *****
God ***** ***** ** *** ****
***** **** in the ********* **** *****
Then Twilight becomes **** and ***** *** ********
**** explodes in ****** **** then *** ****** winds
Written by
Christopher Allen
Categories:
humor, humorous,
The French Don'T Give A
a total news blackout
but anyone would be the same
the public never knew of it
did it matter?
they were doomed
from the start
my mate didn't care
about the FA Cup last week
the germans don't
care about the percieved
or actually non-existent
football rivalry with England
sweep the battle losses
under the steamer rug
if you win a tin cup
you'll refer to with pride
it took me a day and a
half to get over Nelson's
death
(stick the kettle on)
but that's when it came to life
Villeneuve an outstanding
time bomb
THE ENEMY IS AT SEA!
Trafalgar
like all historical events
momentous and noteworthy
immaterial and beside the point
Written by
Allan Terry
Categories:
fish, food, french, hilarious, love, mentor, music,
Cajuin Doux
They found
ground green peppers
Ground ground onions
Ground garlic
.ground cucumbers
Cultured buttered milk
Cayeene pepper
Ground shrimp
Ground catfish
Some flour and eggs
Mixed well
And rolled in bread crumbs
Fried crisp
And served with a tart
Candied ginger
yogurt tartar sauce
Man that's some
Delicious great tasting goodness
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
friend, future, humorous, language, me,
English To French
Excuse me, my French ami,
the future belongs to me.
Volodymyr Knyr 2014
Written by
Allan Terry
Categories:
fish, food, french, hilarious, love, mentor, music,
Cajuin Doux
They found
ground green peppers
Ground ground onions
Ground garlic
.ground cucumbers
Cultured buttered milk
Cayeene pepper
Ground shrimp
Ground catfish
Some flour and eggs
Mixed well
And rolled in bread crumbs
Fried crisp
And served with a tart
Candied ginger
yogurt tartar sauce
Man that's some
Delicious great tasting goodness
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
french, humor, relationship,
Hugo Victor
A judge ruled a man is not cursed
By the name by which he was nursed
So his wife's not to blame
That his friends cause him shame
When she tells them all, "Hugo first!"
Written by
Gary Jones
Categories:
art, funny, life, sweet, sweet,
French Distortion Times Three
Cool, sweet distortion is what I crave.
The sweet French variety,
fat olives in abundance,
always serve best.
Problems
of the
long,
hot
day
seem
to just melt away
after just one of these magic potions.
“Shaken, not stirred,” was Bond’s steady reply.
What an ingenious answer to
the action and intrigue.
Even the slope
of the
cool,
slim,
clear
glass
reminds me of a topless,
passionate woman, ready to ease my pain.
Yes, you can keep all your bliss of the inferior.
I take my chilled relief of reality
with olives or onions.
I’m very easy
to please.
Just
chill
it,
add
olives
and it must by all means
be thoroughly of the French variety.