Humorous and funny Christian poems and/or funny poems about Christian. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Christian funny poems!
Written by
Sneha Rv
Categories:
child, childhood, children, christian, christmas, funny
Keeping Mum
Reindeer wait
by the pane
I see shapes
A present!
Santa thinks
I’m asleep
Smells like mum
lent Santa
her perfume... ?
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
animal, bible, christian, humorous,
Little Men and the Hen
Chirp chirp chirp
Cluck cluck cluck cluck
Drivel
Snivel
Dirty little men
One insane wee little hen
Let me introduce you
To a really big huge man
A heart sent from angels
A voice lowered from the heavens
A man whose humble heart
Can squash a 1000 little men
So when in life you see a fork in the road
Remember
You can be the Hen
Or you can be the bigger man
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
2nd grade, 3rd grade, 4th grade, 5th grade, christian, humorous
Nobody Knows the Rubble I Have Seen
No one knows the rubble I’ve seen.
Nobody knows but DEEEshus.
I stop washing dishes and turn around.
My four-year-old is belting this out with gusto.
These dishes?
She nods.
Where did you learn it?
In church.
Okay.
Written by
Isaiah Zerbst
Categories:
bible, christian, funny, silly,
Ancient Footles
1. Walls of Jericho:
Giddy
City
2. Moses:
Hopper
Stopper
3. The Egyptians:
Water
Fodder
4. Jael:
Hammer
Slammer
5. Sampson:
Pillar
Killer
6. Laban:
Fuzzin'
Cousin
References:
1. Joshua 6:20
2. Exodus 10:17-19
3. Exodus 14:28
4. Judges 4:21
5. Judges 16:29-30
6. Genesis 31:41
Written July 2d and 3d, 2013
Written by
Roland Fleming
Categories:
christian, faith, funny, god, happy, humorous
Quit My Job, Smashed My Car
Quit my job, smashed my car
My back does throb, need to learn guitar
So I can make, a silly song
And I can sing, it all day long
About how, my God is strong
So that even now, nothing’s wrong
Even though, I quit my job
smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I’ve got God
So I won’t let any thought
Any worry or fear
Convince me you’re not near
Even when, I quit my job,
Smashed my car, my back does throb
Life is hard, but I won’t sob
I need to learn guitar
Written by
Deborah Turner
Categories:
christian, funny, giggle, inspiration, inspirational, jesus
What Is Real
Look, to your left a pot of gold, this is not real.
Well, look to your right a pot of silver, this is not real also.
Then, look down money all around, this is not real.
On the other hand, Look! Look! Up at the sky Christ lives, now this is what is really real.
God Bless
Written by
Brenda Mcgrath
Categories:
christian, dad, father, humorous, religious,
Little Georgia Peach
She was a Preacher’s daughter and a little Georgia peach,
With a slow southern drawl in her unassuming speech.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a shape that caught the eye,
Which made her God-fearing father just want to sigh…
He preached in his sermons to turn the other cheek,
But she had to conquer an unrelenting stubborn streak.
“Stay on the straight and narrow,” her Dad warned her with a frown.
“God is watching up there… you don’t want to let Him down.”
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
allusion, christian, first love, funny, satire, valentines day
Sugar Coated
The day for the love if this was every day not love for the day
Written by
Robert Amure
Categories:
christian, encouraging, funny, tribute,
A Prayer For Bad Noose
Prayer For Bad Noose
(The Goitre Psalm)
The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want a Swollen Neck
He Leads me to the BEST Physician
He Restores my Throat
He Leads me through the dangers of Surgery
for His Name’s Sake
Yeah, thou I work through the Shallowest of Breath,
I fear it’s just “Goitre Go!!”…Thyroid -
and Thy Staff comfort me.
Thou Prepared an Operating Table for me……
You anointed my body with Anaesthesia …my Calm Runs over.
Surely with Your Goodness and Mercy shall I swallow…
….all the Days of my Life.
(The Fg 81.5.8)
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
christian, giggle, religious, sexy,
Never Once Did He Stare
~ Revised Repost ~
There once was a minister so meek
His sole desire, the Lord for to seek
Despite babes everywhere
Never once did he stare
He just smiled, then turned her other cheek
Written by
Rico Leffanta
Categories:
christian, funny, political,
Trump Versus Heaven
Saint Peter at the Golden Gate
Is a man that Trump loves to hate
After The Fall
God needs a Wall
So build one before its too late!
Written by
Clive Blake
Categories:
bible, christian, christmas, fun, hilarious, humor
Wisdom In Triplicate
Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men,
In search of a stable.
Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able.
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
bible, christian, death, history, humor, religion
Hymn
Jesus was a carpenter,
he worked with saw and hammer.
He pounded, banged, for 20 years,
it was an awful clamor.
Then he spent three years a'preachin',
he never had a stammer.
At last they nailed him to a cross,
nevermore to yammer.
Written by
Just That Archaic Poet
Categories:
christian, death, god, humorous, jesus, religion
Twice the Christ
I twice am Christ, self-loved and prized;
Above the Earth, to lift -Arise!
The Devil's deeds seem sweet indeed
(By them, truly, am quite enticed!)
A magic Martyr- now crucified,
To my own great feigned dismay
A Crown of Horns; the King of Lies!
(The Romans make such grand displays...)
If but one of you would thus believe,
Repeat the Gospel, and for me grieve
A lesson to learn should I not return:
There can be nothing that's good about being
misunderstood-
You could be nailed the same as me!
Written by
Anil Deo
Categories:
blessing, christian, humanity, humor, hyperbole, nature
Weird and Irreligious Thoughts 2023-001
I
God always wins the wager if we live long on earth... and even if we don't.
II
Some questions die with questioners; even if God heard the questioning daily (for 90 years)
III
If Jesus died for the sins of those born after 2000, will more from India and China be in heaven? Will whites be a minority in heaven?
IV
If race and color don't matter in heaven, God is miserly not to have given more practice here
Written by
Carolina Na-Ibo Gandah
Categories:
christian, society,
Funny World
Man; He is very powerful yet powerless
He trusts in his abilities yet he has nothing
He says tomorrow I will, yet tomorrow he isn’t
Oh Man, have you not yet learnt that there is nothing that you have that is yours???
Written by
Jacqueline R. Mendoza
Categories:
christian, feelings, happiness, happy, how i feel, humor
Me
Jacqueline R.
Simple but Elegant
Daughter of my mother
Lover of Nature, colors Green and White
Who feels sad that the world is overpowered with darkness
Depressed that people are fighting
Happy that I'm different
Who would like to see all people in one faith, loving each other and have patience over all things
Reside in Daly City, California
Mendoza
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
beautiful, beauty, celebrity, christian, humorous, woman
Linda Evangelista
Just one is the most beautiful in the lists
both of Lindas and of the evangelists.
Volodymyr Knyr
2015
Written by
Yasemin Balandi
Categories:
adventure, analogy, child, christian, christmas, humor
Christmas
Christmas
Her words flow effusive
Like lava, molten. Melting rocks
Mellow is the background music
She is tired of boondoggle. Cacophony
Of the Guests. Bright are the Christmas lights.
When had the Christmases became for the bourgeois
Champagne is what Christ would disapprove of.
She is sure. Quid pro Quo?
Christ was a socialist
No longer can she feign Elan for these capitalist festivities
ALAS the Turkey is well cooked
Tinsels and presents make her children ecstatic
More mulled wine, anyone?
Written by
Alfonso II Warally Ngengethe Mussabwa Chris
Categories:
12th grade, christian, education, humor, jesus, religious
Remembrance
I remember when I was in school,
The weather was so cool
Our teacher of religion said," Jesus is God"
One pagan colleague objected ," He is not God."
Teacher was not happy to hear that word
Then I said loudly ," He is the Lord of lords."
All Christian students clapped their hands
Teacher was so happy and called her friends.
Jesus Christ is yesterday, today and forever
Our best teacher , strength, authority , power,
Our saviour, redeemer , Consolation,
Revelator, protection and solution.
We adore and worship Him daily
He is goodly , peacefully and kindly.
May 06/2023
Written for poetry contest
sponsored by Sotto poet.
Form: COUPLET
Written by
Jerry Wells
Categories:
best friend, christian, funny, giving, happy, hello
B8-Poem 23 Big Papa World
POEM 23 BIG PAPA WORLD
BIG PAPA WORLD HAS HAPPINESS
LOVE, JOY, & WISDOM THAT IS
SPREAD ALL AROUND.
BIG PAPA WORLD PEACE & HARMONY
CAN BE FOUND IN EVERY ONE LIVES IN
THEY OWN WORLD.
MR. PROFESSOR. JERRY”BIG PAPA” WELLS
AUTHOR
Written by
John Beam
Categories:
absence, allusion, christian, feelings, humorous, jesus
A Nihilism
a tasteless stone soup everyone puts in a stone offering nothing
Written by
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Categories:
atheist, christian, hate, humor, political, satire
Hatewatch Jingle
[Composed after yet another news headline
of a pastor advocating death to all LGBTQ people]
Christians, Christians,
full of Christian love
If there was a god he'd smash
them flat from up above.
Written by
Clive Blake
Categories:
christian, christmas, fun, humor, humorous, winter
Christmas poem Wisdom In Triplicate
Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men,
In search of a stable.
Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able.
Written by
Beata Agustin
Categories:
character, christian, encouraging, food, humor, perspective
Hearty Treat
Despite pandemic, let’s have hearty treat
Sharing bounty of delicacies’ sweet
But wait, good food, we must pick
Since wellness is not a trick…
Thanking* the Lord for healthy veggie meat.
*Colossians 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
October 14, 2020
6th place, "Halloween Inspired Limerick" Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin; judged on 10/19/2020.